The Memoirs of a Magician's Princess

2010-10-17T09:57:00.002+08:00

Now blogging at

2009-12-30T19:51:00.001+08:00

www.hauntingangel.tumbr.com

What is this world coming to???

2009-12-22T20:25:00.002+08:00

Now we have shower gel in tomato. Wow!

After SPM

2009-12-15T19:47:00.002+08:00

I've been helping out in my parents office. It's okay. It's not so tiring although the hours are long (provided I have my sugar supply ready) but it's really boring. I have to decide fast about college so I can get out of this boredom.

APYAC 2009

2009-12-14T14:58:00.002+08:00

It was a blast! How could it not be when I come back feeling different! I left all those highschool hurts there and I can stand and believe that it is not coming back. I can never forget what happened last year when someone shouted for me to be dead and that they would sponsor my coffin. Those people kept shouting swear words at me from behind the class. Those words were soon left to condemn me from the back of my head. It's all gone now. I can rest assured that that coffin they wished for would be for the devil.

I made good friendly and diplomatic ties with the Indonesia gang. Well, okay, more casual, not so diplomatic. They took my favourite seat in GTPJ so I was trying to see when was the right time to get it back. But nevermind. A little sacrifice is always worth at times.

29 nations were represented. Man, it looks wonderful when everyone puts aside every difference and just comes together to worship the Lord.

**Malaysia and Indonesia is going to improve and rise up. The journey is not going to be easy but this will happen starting from next year onwards. At the end of the day, M'sia and Indon are going to be part of the best general assembly ever in front of the Lord together with the other christians.

The next APYAC will be in 2012. Hope to see more faces there.

Long Days, short nights

2009-11-30T17:55:00.002+08:00

I wish SPM could just end right now. It feels like time just doesn't want to loosen its grip on me. It's been such a long day and I still have Physics and Chemistry to go. I wish it could just end.

17

2009-11-28T21:19:00.002+08:00

So cool! I just celebrated my 17th birthday! It's been a long time since I had a celebration. My family and I had it in a hotel and the whole meal was paid by my mum's client. That was the best one I had ever had. I'm just so thankful to be able to see 17. Thank you to all those who sent me birthday greetings and all. God bless ya'll.

Holidays?? Are you sure?

2009-06-01T18:24:00.002+08:00

If I were to start making my blog my diary, it'll probably be entitled as "Diary of a Mad Lady" or "Diary of a Mad Teenager". Of course, that's kinda hard to guess since I'm pretty much quiet and rather reserved in class and I don't seem to be like those out-right mad girls who burst out and complain of study pressure.

I don't think it'd be a holiday for me this 2 weeks. SPM is coming nearer. My life's like a marathon now. I totally disagree with those who say, "You're only a student. What have you got to worry about?" I hate this. They've been students themselves. It's not easy being a student; not just coping with study pressure and stress but also socialising, fitting ourself into different crowds and also put up with unreasonable people who may walk into our lives.

The Pessmist II

2009-05-28T18:16:00.002+08:00

The Dream
The people glaze and stare
with wrists of gold and fingers adorned with silver.
In my hands, the false anticipation of such;
to compare: like the twinkling star who wishes for the sun's glare.

It is not the thought of the riches,
but their beauty that the wearer possesses before.
The desire to feel the warmth of femininity
that my heart longs and searches.

Reality
Your touch sets me ablaze,
the inferno of satisfaction
that lasts only awhile,
with the feel of satisfaction still in place.

The pessimist still has not left me alone,
it pulls me from your warmth.
O, touch me again,
so that the pessimist will be out, flown.

J-nike's Music debut

2009-05-27T19:11:00.002+08:00

Calling all you lovers of music, both wonderful professionals and honourable amateurs. I have a music sample with me for J-nike. Could you please listen to it by clicking the link below. Comment on the tagboard. Thank you very music.

http://www.myspace.com/thedemoshoprocks

Phew!

2009-05-27T18:29:00.002+08:00

Finally, my mid-year exam ended with the last paper set by Ms. Jenny. No, not this Jenny. The chemistry teacher in my school- Ms. Jenny. Yes, she has the same name as me. However, I would be luckier if she really was my chemistry teacher this year. That exam paper really made me miss Mr. Alex. It has the same style has him. I didn't have to look at the name (of the teacher who set the paper) behind the exam paper. Question 36 told me. My chemistry teacher didn't say anything about question 36, so my second guess of Ms. Jenny setting the paper was a full-score right. I haven't had enough sleep. Studying til late in the night was tiring. I blanked out during the Physics paper. Sad huh.

A friend told me my history teacher-Juann Man (it's just his nickname) complimented me when he marked my paper. I'm not bragging because I'm not even sure. I barely studied for his paper. So, I bet he was sarcastic. The way he's always been. Bahh...I don't know if she's even right.

Sometimes, I have to admit it. Being in SSG is kinda like prison-lonely, quiet, etc. I just hate not having my say when I need it. Now, I really know what it's like when one loses one's voice, one's right, one's rightful opportunity to say or express what one wants to which is relevant. Not just that, I also experience what it's like to ignore the importance of listenting to another. The whole 'surprise punishment' thing really pisses me off. It's like, we commit an offence and then we don't know the consequence of it. It's not fair. We ought to know the consequences for every action. There is a reaction for every action. What kind of adult treatment is this??? And they say they're treating us 'like adults'. What crap!! It really feels like prison. Eventhough there are friends with me who are friendly but at times, it gets lonely. One out of the bunch. To remain a shadow. I just have colour now.

2009-05-23T18:41:00.002+08:00

I saw this album in the stores lately. Since Hilary Duff is such an awesome celebrity, I was wondering about the publicity. I means seriously, this is the first time, Hilary Duff's album is not getting such a good response upon release. 'Reach Out' is such a sexy song. There's not profanity in there but it's still nice. More country pop. I haven't heard 'Holiday' yet but I'm looking forward to it. She keeps repeating her older songs in her newer albums. As if she lacks creativity and ideas. She released her 'Most Wanted' album with old tracks but just one new song. Now, it's 2 new songs. I'm just hoping she comes out with an album with entire new songs.

My Classical Side

2009-05-15T18:16:00.002+08:00

I found it! I still hate classical music as I told you in the previous post except for a handful of them. However, I love classical vocals. Nothing too much of the mainstream and seldom hitting the local radio waves, their vocals are wonderful and original. Not just that, it's very difficult to immitate their vocal style. I don't quite like Enigma's music too much because of how wild it sounds sometimes, let's just say, like how I treat heavy metal but instead of music wise, in vocals. Sarah Brightman and Enya are my long-time favourites. I started listening to them when an old science teacher introduced their music to me. Yea, and I like Sarah's sense of style. Very gothic and innocent yet presentable. Very nice. Very me. I have to admit on getting hooked on their music when I was about 15. How about Andrea Bocelli? I only started liking his music when one of his spanish songs started stealing hearts I think last year and when I come across his duets with Mariah Carey. My hand's raised. I love those Olympic openings and closings because of these people. The kind of singing that echoes through the halls and surrounds the whole compound and floats in the air until it wraps your mind. Try it. It's good.

The Wierd issues

2009-05-12T13:05:00.002+08:00

I agree with some people when they find me wierd. I actually do. However, I believe that everyone has something weird in them. That's what makes everyone of us all unique and special. There are some people who have common weirdness and join together to form a clique. Some of these cliques especially the 'it' crowds tend to sideline other people. Other than that, most of these cliques just follow the saying 'birds of a feather flock together'.

So I'm going to share a little something about me. You may not agree nor believe. It's up to you.

First of all, I hate cockroaches. When they crawl up my leg, they always leave me scratching the itch for at least a day until my next shower. I'm not scared of lizards though. They're cute and pretty much harmless other than the fact that it steals bits of rice from the uncovered rice pot.

Next, I can't stand classical music. I just can't unless a contemporary edge is give to it. I can never bear the sound of Mozart and other composers. All except Beethoven's music and I can't stand classical high pitch singing other than Mariah Carey's which I tend to copy. I don't dare watch 'Phantom of the Opera' during the night. It has to be a day movie but I find it rather romantic than scary besides the soundtracks.

As much as a lover of art as I am, I can never put up with old painted portraits. They look creepy. Things like the 'Mona Lisa' scare me at night, Shakespears' portrait and some other people. I particularly never buy paintings that are very old especially when they are sold away for a very cheap price. Just check out this site http://www.hauntedportraits.com/ and the likes.

Oh. Got to go. Catch you next time.

Happy

2009-05-12T12:58:00.000+08:00

I'm happy again. Yes! I'm not so emo already. Last few weeks, I really was depressed. I was just good at hiding it. Plastering a smile on my face and all that giggling when I feel like crying made me a really good actress I must say, just no Oscar. It's been a few years that I've been struggling to come to terms with myself and accept myself due to really harsh remarks about my initial state. That really brought me down and I gave up a lot of things-many a time, it's art but art won't give me up neither will performing. I'm finally starting to get back to my normal self and pampering myself with a favourable amount of chocolate. I have to retrain to be able to sing like I used to again. The devil's got me for too long and I'm not scared of him anymore. yay. =)

Wow! So many christians. Cool!

2009-05-09T17:36:00.005+08:00

Honestly, I didn't know there were so many christians in Hollywood until I read about it. Let's see if I can name some...

Mariah Carey (singer)
Nick Cannon (MC's hubby)
Taylor Swift (Singer)
Selena Gomez (Actress)
Miley Cyrus (Actress, singer)
Jason Dolley (Actor)
Tyra Banks (Model)
Raven Symone (Actress, singer)
Taylor Hicks (American Idol winner)
Guy Sebastian (Australian Idol)
Kelly Clarkson (American Idol)
Ryan Seacrest (tv host)
Selena (Singer)
Della Reese (Actress)
Shannon Leto (Jared Leto's bro & musician)
Jared Leto (singer-30 seconds to mars)
R. Kelly (singer)
Reese Witherspoon (Actress)
Hilary Swank (Actress)
Olivia Newton-John (Actress, singer)
Michelle Williams (singer - Destiny's Child)
Mitchel Musso (Actor)
Chad Murray (Actor)
Justin Timberlake (Singer)
Timbaland (Artiste)
Marilyn Monroe (Actress, singer)
Jojo (singer)
Backstreet Boys (Music group)
Boyz II Men (Music group)
Alicia Keys (singer)
Kay Panabaker (Actress)
Bono (Singer)
Hayley Williams (Singer-Paramore)
Jessica Simpson (singer)
Angelina Jolie (Actress)

Way lots more...

Other than Hollywood:

Writers:
Charles Dickens
Hans Christian Andersen
J.R.R. Tolkien

Scientist:
Isaac Newton

Composer:
Ludwig Van Beethoven

My fingers are tired clicking the 'next' button of the long list of celebrity christians. Can't type anymore.

Femininity

2009-05-09T13:53:00.003+08:00

I am actually more of a gothic princess than one of those barbie doll like ladies. Yea, really emo. I just like black and dark colours because it's just me being cool and mysterious. Cool as in the emotionless way and yet lustfully sexy. My dark side charms more in my opinion but it scares some others away. I'm really nowhere near cute (Joshua, darling, I don't know how you can find me cute =)). It's just these few days that I stood naked in front of the mirror and saw how feminine I turned out to be. I still don't like pink but I have a flair for red and blue romance as well as a taste for purple. I love performing more. It's just that pessimistic side that makes me not want to do it. So, I do like myself in the image of a Victorian age vampire.

As I grow, I don't know how many chinese people have talked to me in Malay thinking I'm really Malay or a mix of another asian country. Don't worry, I'm not a freak. Just human like you. Let femininity take over and let's see what I become.

The Pessimist

2009-05-09T12:04:00.005+08:00

It's true
Full with ambition
That's all I need to get it through
and then all of a sudden
I see you
walk down the street
having everything
that I could ever want and need

Why could I never be like you?
You look at me in the mirror
and that image, you make me look like a fool
thinking someday I'll turn into you

Competition
and there I'm full with ambition
Then I look at you
and there you make me powerless
like a statue
because all I wanna be is what I see in you

I'm at the ground
you're on a mountain
I'm lost hoping to be found
and you're with luxury so certain
your life ain't easy
but I like what I see
always what I want
but what I can never achieve

Go play your style
I play with my while
My devilish play got God's permission
unlike your lusty ways of the serpent's poison

You live in me
and there you are
your ambition for me to be
livin' inside me

Yes, I'm the Pessimist
and you're the superstar
I wanna be you, miss
but you're always pushing me too far

Everything you do mocks me in the air
you turn around, you've got my every flair
and there you are, your stare
that copies my glare
'cuz everything I got, you get
and it's all biting me 'til I'm dead

Someday I'm going to be better
overflowing passion
beats in my heart stronger
a ressurection to be what I'm gonna be
and I ain't let nobody gonna stop me
the cravin' for your lusty job goes further
there ain't no competition
so ambition beats strong
I be right or wrong,
Yea, the Pessimist might go away
or haunt Ambition forever

Yea, I'm the pessimist,
So go ahead, take all the steps that I missed
but you ain't gonna hold me back
'Cuz I ain't gonna have my back on the wall, but I'll be three steps ahead

Mid-Year exam

2009-05-09T12:02:00.001+08:00

Yea. It's coming alright...

Well-shaped cloud

2009-05-08T15:53:00.002+08:00

It was a bright and early morning. I was about to be late from school when a well-shaped silver cloud caught my eye. Check it out.

Inner Timothy (Timidity)

2009-05-01T15:47:00.004+08:00

Timothy was a timid teenager when God called him to do His will. Timidity is what makes someone like me emo-ish. Being intimidated by a these few parties which I consider important to me is hard to take and I often fail due to this. It ruins my self-confidence and self-esteem. It's hard to get rid of once it becomes a state of mind. It makes me pessimistic and my mum's ways add to it when I try to shake it out of my bubbles.

Smiling used to help get rid of this but it doesn't anymore. It's dangerous to be timid. The devil can easily put lies in one's thoughts and make the person depressed. It makes people even more fearful of him and maybe in his own way, make us subject to his temptations. When we fall for such a thing, suicide happens.

Alright, my type is not the suicidal type. It used to be but now not. I have a new hope and a new purpose. I regained that but still, timidity still lingers around. The air, the atmosphere of oppression of spiritual, verbal and physical forces still act upon me. Those forces are everywhere around, not just me but just anybody who feels it. It's just how you react that's always different than the other.

In my case, it's just the inner Timothy that's in me. Timid to do show what he's made of. AHHH....I sound so emo...=(

Sorry, Zhao, I don't want to sing. I wanna be happy first and then sing. It sounds better that way.

Book fair 2009

2009-05-01T14:54:00.008+08:00

If you guys were looking for cheap REVISION BOOKS, PRACTICE BOOKS, ETC. You MISSED the big event.

The Muslims clearly took the advantage to raise funds for the Palestine war victims.

See the contrast of happy school-going children and the war victims of Palestine.

They sold these sort of books. I would like to help but I doubt every penny would go to saving their lives. I don't want my money to end up in the wrong hands. I did not and would not buy these books as these books, I doubt were written by a disinterested party. I don't want to read something biased. The sufferings are real, just like those in Israel. However, I would only reward truth and help truth.

This was really a mood-spoiler. They took the BEST BOOTHS. Their booths were located where the people who walk in would give their first attention to.

Haunting Special: Swine Flu

2009-05-01T14:04:00.003+08:00

The issue of swine flu is now catches more attention than the mere sections of politics and world news in the newspapers. To help it spread a little more, I just think that spreading the news is the least I can do.

This is a swine flu virus

Symptoms of Swine Flu (thank God, they have symptoms.)

Fever

Runny nose
Sore throat

Lethargy
Lack of appetite

Coughing

Nausea

Vomitting

Diarrhea

**Notice how similar these symptoms are to a normal flu. It's so close, it's kinda hard to tell the difference.

How does it spread: Air borne

-By sneezing, coughing or touching something with the virus on it and then touching their own nose or mouth.

(It doesn't spread through food-pork products)

Contagious in adults for the first five days. Contagious in childrean for at least the first 10 days.

Prevention of influenza in swine:

Methods of preventing the spread of influenza among the swine include facility management, herd management and vaccination. Because much of the illness and death associated with swine flu involves secondary infection by other pathogens, control strategies that rely on vaccination that rely on vaccination may be insufficient.

Prevention of swine flu in humans:

Wash hands with soap and water or alcohol-based sanitizers (especially if you're out in public).

(The current influenza virus vaccine doesn't work on the 2009 H1N1 virus. They are being developed and will be due to be ready by June 2009) (I'm afraid it might be too late then.)

Small droplets containing swine flu or ordinary flu virus can be found on table tops, telephones, etc. Can be transferred by the hands to the nose, eyes or mouth.

Anyone with flu-like symptoms such as a sudden fever, cough or muscle aches should stay away from work or public transportation and should see a doctor to be tested. Staying away from other people who might be infected and can include avoiding large gatherings, spreading out a little at work, or perhaps staying home and lying low if an infection is spreading in a community could help well.

Try not to keep in these positions or similar poses.

5Sc2 in cartoon

2009-05-01T13:13:00.002+08:00

How do you like it? I drew each and everyone of you. I'm still working on the teachers though.

5Sc2 Horror movie 3- The chicken

2009-05-01T12:50:00.003+08:00

Okay, I have to admit that my blog has been made pretty grosteque and disgusting due to my recent posts about our frog and fish disecting activity. Let's say it's good news that this is the last of the "5Sc2 Horror Movie" series. This photo was actually taken during the time when we disected the fish. This one may not be as disgusting as the past few posts because, well, I bet most of you have actually eaten a chicken wing. So here's what it looks like whent the skin is removed. Of course, the chicken was dead already. We only bought the wing.

THE END OF 5Sc2 Horror Movie

5Sc2 Horror movie 2- The frog

2009-04-28T17:29:00.019+08:00

The horror continues when the 'mad scientists' of 5Sc2 continue disecting ANOTHER ANIMAL....

This time...a frog.

This is them. The 2 poor froggies. Cute right? And this was taken at about 7am.

They were still alive.

During our biology lesson, our teacher brought them out. They stank a smelt like thinner except that it was stronger. Our 2 froggies sleeping together. One frog was given to the boys and the other, to us, girls.

Hanim had the honour of skinning it. Nice job aye. To me, it felt like stripping out someone's clothes in a nice way without their permission. XD Looks like it's crucified. O.O

This is our froggy after that layer of skin was removed. Now, this look like its underwear.

Oh, now we see its insides. Hanim accidentally cut a blood vessel so it's all bloody now but it's still good to see. =)

Here's a close-after some touch-ups. Now at least we can see the heart of silver. Yes, it shines. *Bling!!**

Here are the leg muscles. For those who like the eat frogs, these must be mouth-watering. Drool baby, drool.

Unfortunately, I don't eat frogs.

This is what happens when we push all the organs on the left to the right until the skin underneath it all is revealed.

At this, every girl felt digusted. Yuck.

This is the close-up.

We even dug out its tongue. Yuck. To our misfortune, there were no bugs in it.

This totally reminds me of the CAIS project exhibition where they took the jars, filled them with dead animals and left them in the school biology lab in SMSM. It looked kinda spooky with all the dead animals' eyes staring at us. These however, were the parts of the frog taken out by the boys' group.

When I got back to my group, there was a comotion at my table. It seemed that our frog was only unconcious; not completely dead. The heart pumped again. A ressurection? Or does the frog just need to be delivered?

Our dissector went to become the 'mad scientist' and really did away with the poor frog's life.

(PASTOR RONNIE & PASTOR LISA! DO FUNERAL SERVICE!!)

The spectator to our 'cruelty' was deeply hurt. Our bio lab fish hid away upon seeing all these. First the fish, now the frog. What are these students up to next??

And here, someone accidentally pressed the frogs rectum and the faeces came out. Yes, I feel just as grosteque and disgusted as anyone reading this post or perhaps not. Hmmm....

Is this even possible? Rebuke! Rebuke! Choi!

Kindy handprints

2009-04-24T19:09:00.001+08:00

Some of the art club members who were with me last week during co-co time did this. Doesn't it remind you of what unity, teamwork and togetherness means? It sure does to me. May God bless the works of our hands in future.

Project

2009-04-24T15:39:00.003+08:00

O look, now they make us do a folio project for add.maths too. Hey, it's ADD. MATHS!!! who does folios for ADD. MATHS???!!!!...us

5Sc2 Horror movie

2009-04-23T17:45:00.007+08:00

The fish in the beginning was a little stinky but it was still in good shape. It was cheap so yea...this is the kind of quality we can expect and get from it. Despite all that, the girls in my class were afraid to scale it but in the end, one of the just did it and the rest of us took pictures XP.

Okay. For your information, I didn't add the pictures of our disection in our experiment to this post.
I only added the after-part of the experiment. After we were done doing what the procedures wanted us to do, we disected it to reveal its digestive system, heart and we even did the head. In the end we really split the organs of the fish out of the body. Yuck. I know it sounds disgusting but hey, it's just biology.

And here they are, the yucky intestines. I know. It is. For the housewives who do a lot of marketting, I bet you've seen this things very often at the fish department of the wet market. However, it's rather the smell of the fish that ticks me off as well as some of the girls.

Oh hey, we managed to see the gills too. All that was after someone tried to make the dead fish blind by poking the fish's eye and making all that grey liquid come out. It's dead already but they're heartless enough to torture it somemore. Just kidding, but the poking the fish in the eye thing was true.

Ms. Disector tore up the stomach and found these in the fish. Wow. Buy one free many aye. So disgusting. We found 4 small fishes and 2 mini squids, some of which were half-digested. This meant that the fish was caught while it was still eating.

All these took place while the fish in the aquarium was watching. Just look at how frightenned he is...or is it a she. Aww...somehow, I developed a love for nature and I actually started recycling. hmmm...I wonder what's making me like that and I'm starting to like other animals besides my cat at home. Basically, it's more of a horror movie for this fish rather than for us. We just played the role of the 'mad scientists'. lolx.

Love-drugged

2009-04-21T12:40:00.002+08:00

Wow, how long has it been since I last blogged?!! XD

Glad I'm back on my comfy computer seat typing this post. When I've been away from blogging for a week, it feels like being away from it for at least a fortnight.

7 weeks ago, I got infected with this contagious disease called honeymoon syndrome. My lover passed it to me and boy, does it make me feel so good!!! It's only contagious between 2 lovers as different couples have a different degree of honeymoon syndrome to spread to each other. Having this honeymoon syndrome makes me feel 'drugged' except not with drugs but with love. When we're together, we actually go 'hi' and start telling each other we're handsome, beautiful, 'your eyes shine' and etc. Thank God for this syndrome because without it, I won't be able to look past his failures and inadequacies and he won't be able to look past mine.

So, we fall in love.

Thanks to Him again that it's a mild one which means that I can still concentrate and focus on my studies, myself, my surroundings and most importantly God. I bet it's the same on his side. We're having our major years. If the honeymoon syndrome goes overboard, one would lose focus on everything and only think about his/her lover. It happens. We just have to overcome it so that it doesn't blind our eyes from realities and priorities. Not to mention the amount of money spent on text messages and phone calls. That has to be kept under control. I went a little overboard last month but I'm controlling it very tightly now.

Despite being 'love-drugged', we're so far away we don't meet very often. However, I believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Random photos

2009-04-17T15:43:00.005+08:00

The amazing hair-do

2009-04-17T15:39:00.001+08:00

No sprays, no rubberbands, no pins, no gel, no wet hair, no mouse, no nothing.

I jumped, shook my head a lot, slept and it's still this neat after more than an hour.

This is my first time I made such a hair-do and I will never know how to do it again.

Big Blue Whale

2009-04-17T15:11:00.003+08:00

Wow, it's a week already. I did my Moral project already! XD Finally, burden's lifted. I can feel my shoulders lighten a little. It's not over yet but glad this is. Now let's see what happened during my little hectic week.

I went to Mid Valley after church last Sunday. That's me with the big blue whale. XD

I went to Mid Valley after churc to catch this exhibition. Cool right? It's a blue whale. That big whale sculpture is only the size of a two-month-old! That's big for a baby. A whale eats at least 64,000 hamburgers per day. So if it actually eats one of us, it won't be enough. Unlike a mere snake or aligator which is scary enough. O.O

Then on Wednesday, I took a trip together with the Art & Photography club and the Nature club to HUKM. It was a great experience. Everyone looked at my big present and went...O.O "is that you present?" People asked me what was in it. No one knew except Soo Ming.

Well, I gave that to a 4- year-old boy on a life-support machine. He's so cute but he has leukemia. I don't want to put his picture here for personal reasons. There were lots of sweet kids who are sick and don't have the privelege to enjoy their kindergarten days.

It all reminds me of my kindergarten days spent in the hospital too. I was admitted for asthma. Although the hospital bed is said to be one of the most comfortable, I would occasionally miss the comfort of home and having everything in place and just there. I would have the little toys that I had and my favourite boster and blanky. In the hospital, everything's just white and there's just a pillow. So you know what I gave that little kid in HUKM...a pillow to hug and a teddy bear to cuddle. =)

It was the usual after that.

Art & Photography competition

2009-04-09T19:32:00.003+08:00

The art & photography club

Invites you all (SSG students of KS3 &4 ) to participate in this competition.

(Please enlarge if you can't see it clearly)

So what are you waiting for? Go get your artwork going today!

Closing date is on the 14th April 2009.

Yours truly,

the deco director of SSG's art & photography club

If Today Was Your Last Day- Nickelback

2009-04-09T19:17:00.003+08:00

*There was a Best Friend who told me this over and over again. No one ever sees Him but there's no denying He's there everywhere I go. Now, I pass the same message to you. God bless.

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you'll never live it twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?

Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin' stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?

Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

Romeo & Juliet (Haunting's version)

2009-04-09T11:05:00.005+08:00

* This poem is a mixture of Romeo and Juliet, Cinderella and maybe some other stories (in an rather edgy way I think, maybe?) I experimented in mixing everything together to form something of my own.

The Prince and the Scarlett Petals

The ladies in the ballroom,
were too many, in wait to dance,
with the Prince and make him, one's bridegroom,
thinking of the fairy-tale life, to have;
to be the single one chosen, but all stand a chance.

One by one,
through the night,
the king's son,
searched for the one who was right.
Lady after lady,
dance after dance,
they tried to be the bride-to-be,
hoping they'd get the chance,
to marry one with nobility.

A simple wild flower,
scarlett in colour;
her skirt flarred out to a simple trail,
not a single jewellery on, just a side pony tail.

Fifty ladies, he had enough of 'em all,
the Prince left the hall
and saw the wild flower,
outside at the fountains. Their eyes met and he saw his forever,
in her eyes.

She was aroused, mesmerised,
the familiar gleam in his eyes
shone brightly with faniliarity. Hypnotised,
she danced under the sky's thousand eyes.

"Where have I met you, Romeo?"
"Juliet, where have I met you?"
This was love, how could they deny? No.
"At a masquerade back in a year or two?"

"Have I met heaven's invention of lovers' dreams?"
He took her hand, he did not ask,
she did not refuse; they danced under the moon's light
undimm'd.
Under the black velvet, true love unmasked.

He pulls her to a corner,
takes out a ring,
asks to marry her,
she agrees as the anthem of love rings.

Wedding bells,
So the story tells,
The Prince and the Scarlett Princess,
The land and they skies, they possess.

Going bad

2009-04-07T20:02:00.003+08:00

I'm not really going bad here. I'm just sad.

Don't break her heart.
Once you love her, don't every part.
Don't be the reason why
she's spoilin' her life.

Tears on her pillow
at night.
One day the tears don't flow
then she does things that ain't right.

She lies in a mess,
the life she could have, she miss.
With a sorrowful and lonely heart,
she stares. O, don't let the pain start.

You treat her harshly;
make her suffer painfully,
in her, all the scars and wounds,
will it heal or make her immune.

She gets tough and aggressive,
her heart too painful to forgive;
once a good gal, now worse than ever.
Her good self died, a rebirth would take forever.

Haunting Art

2009-04-07T16:44:00.006+08:00

Okay...so I got myself a camera. I always like carrying some of my favourite artwork around. So I decided to share them with you.

Nihc'c, do you remember this? I think I did this last year if I'm not mistaken.

It's called 'Eden Prairie'.

I did this with references to some art books. It was rather difficult to do the body. I'm proud of it after all that sweat.

This is so last year. During Chinese New Year, we were doing disney animals for the zodiac thing. So, I decided to copy an image and this is what I got. Not bad eh?

This one was done without reference. I love this. This is definitely one of my favourites.

Not forgetting, the portrait of my god brother. It's okay la. 50-50. Not perfect.

That's all that I have. The rest are paintings which I won't release until I'm done compiling them.

Normal mode

2009-04-07T12:24:00.002+08:00

It's quite some time since I last blogged. Nothing interesting enough to blog about. Everything now is pretty much routinal, just doing the same things from day to day. It's boring. I know. I'm hoping something interesting comes up soon or I won't have anything to blog about.

Oh yes, I do have something to blog about. It's a small issue. I got myself a new phone. That's all. Not really something interesting.

I'm so bored...or maybe I'm just satisfied after finding love...

Cat (Kate) in the rain

2009-04-01T17:55:00.003+08:00

You know, I was half soaked like how a cat's fur gets partially soaked when it goes in the rain. Pretty uncomfortable. Just hours earlier, I was walking like a cat in the rain. I had an umbrella and I was well prepared but this was just not my lucky day.

My sport house teacher didn't permit me to go home because he was worried of my safety. However, I couldn't wait until everyone goes back because it would be really late and I would have to kill too much time to wait for everyone. I asked Ms. S, who was somewhat the boss and she permitted me to leave as long as I didn't cross the road.

I was thinking about going home then. The taxis that come from that direction would take me straight home. There weren't many cars passing that road. My mind could only see that it would take forever to get a taxi because of how few the cars were. The opposite road was really the opposite. That road would take people to KL and it was flowing with heavy traffic.

Seeing dark clouds with barely a silver lining to show, I couldn't wait for a cab at where I was standing. I took the overhead bridge. Just after I crossed that, the rain poured and I had my umbrella up. My survival kit was kept on standby. (yes, I do have a survival kit and I carry it everywhere I go) To my misfortune, the outer bag broke while I was walking to the taxi stand. Thank God a cab came not too long ago and I made it safe and sound here. When the outer bag broke, some of my stuff spilled onto the wet tiled road outside the Islamic University. My art club t-shirt was at least safely wrapped in a piece of plastic. My tupperware was also, plastic. The only thing that soaked wet was Ms. Eleanor's timetable which I carry about. I didn't know which to pick up first but I could hear God nudging me on the inside to lighten my bag. So, I picked up whatever I could and left the timetable on the ground.

A cab came not too long after I reached the taxi stand. Thank God, I'm here safe and sound. I wish I could call and tell Ms. S that I'm safe and I made it to my mum's office. I feel kinda guilty disobeying her to cross the street but most importantly, God was my witness through everything. He would understand. I managed to pull some money here and there, from my skirt and my bag and everywhere else I think I would put my money in and got myself a new bag to replace that outer bag. The inner bag had a hole in it already so it was worth it.

This is my real testimony, my real story. Hope it blesses your heart to know that God is always interested in us no matter who we are or how big or tiny the matter is. If it ain't for the rain, I wouldn't have experience how much He cared about me. I was kinda depressed the past few days but it's just how He reminds me and wakes me up to the thought that He really cares about every little detail. Getting stuck in the rain could be anybody's fate but as long as He's with us, we'll be fine. Emmanuel.

Satisfying loss

2009-04-01T17:40:00.002+08:00

Set to compete in 3 sport events, I lost...but I was satisfied. Like how the chinese saying (directly translated into English) says "heart satisfied, mouth satisfied." It means that I lost fair and square and I have nothing to fret or complain or be upset about. Truth is, I'd be more upset if everyone had an event and I didn't. I was never a sporty person eventhough I played sports and games for fun. Not just that, I was the underdog in the field because I spent 4 years in a school that never had a school field and the only thing I did on sports day was march-past because I knew I wasn't the cream. (The reason why there are creams is because they came from schools that had sports and definitely, the privelage of a school field.) I just came into a school which has a school field and this is final year. I better do something than nothing. Win or lose, make it fun and memorable. No point being sore over a loss. My whole aim coming to SSG was to raise my grades, get out of the f*** and b**** words and all the bullying in the old place and leave highschool happy and in one piece. That's my simple request. Nothing too complicated.

Sorry, Red bulls, I know my results were disappointing but it's no point being sore over it. =)

IU Night report

2009-03-31T12:28:00.003+08:00

It was AWESOME, don't you think?

yea, I know...Mr. Bitters kinda ruined the atmosphere a little with his 'national anthem lecture'. And that freakin long speech drew an big applause after the word 'thank you'...(applauds were because it was finally done.) lolx. I'm so mean...forgive me...

They didn't even forget Earth Hour and got the entire audienced involved by switching off our cellphones for an hour. I still question if one hour would do anything to save the planet but at least it is a vote for to save our dear planet. Remember, we pledged to keep things environmental friendly.

The fashion show was great and the black-and-white handouts were quite educational. Not just that, the Video production team managed to bring Thomas Jefferson to us...in a way...

Well done!

Earth Hour/IU Nite

2009-03-26T20:27:00.003+08:00

Earth Hour is an event happening on the 28th March 2009 from 8:30pm to 9:30pm. This is an event where everyone switches off their lights for one hour. This is to save energy for environmental reasons.

Our school is having IU Night (International Understanding Night) on the same day. The school building will have its lights off except the school hall I guess...what about those not going?

They may not be able to go for mamak as all of the lights are switched off...

So I suggest maybe candlelight dinner or candlelight picnic in the playground? Push forward mid-autumn festival and have the old lanterns up maybe? Tv in the dark is not good, okay. Say, go star gazing maybe? No lights, so there should not be any light blinding out the stars. Maybe walk and dance in the moonlight?

Okay, my imagination is running too far. It sounds absurd or maybe it could be an idea...nAh...

So, who's going for IU nite hands up!

*Hands up* I wanna go. It's got more lights XP...

After school hols

2009-03-26T20:13:00.004+08:00

Wow, it's a week already? I didn't even notice. Honestly, I didn't notice the school holidays coming when I was studying in school...until suddenly everyone started wishing "Happy Holidays"...and I was like..."wat! there are holidays??"

The school holidays were quite stressful. I cooked dinner on Sunday =D and made my dad and my guest proud of my cooking...yay! Stressful because from Monday to Thursday, it was all about studying. I was just in and out of the room. In for the books and out for the meals, evening shower and of course, bed. My dearest one would call me during lunch (aww...hE misses me...I miss hIm too <3).>Curse that insomnia! Anyway, can't blame anything now. Just have to work better. wE are going to be officially 3 weeks tOgEtHeR already...yay! (Hunny, we made it with each other for 3 weeks, let's see what else happens O.O)
No date during school holidays. hE was having hIs mid-term exam. So yea. haix.

Graduation

2009-03-24T12:38:00.004+08:00

I graduated from Sign Language Level 1... I went for the graduation ceremony last Saturday...

It was a small ceremony of about 50 people...They had the early birds play some games and then we had dinner...and dinner was really like a party...it's not like everyone one table...it's more like all the food on one table, just take and eat...don't hessitate...after that, we had more games and then they gave away the certificates...It was great because I got tp meet people who also completed Level 1 from other classes (they have classes on different days than me). It was great exposure as I often lack time to attend deaf events. I plan and am contemplating to go for the international deaf youth camp and maybe the Deaflimpics!! The international deaf youth camp is held in Malaysia this year (yay!!) and all the Asia pacific countries are coming... I can't wait to see all the sign language interpreters all in a row interpreting all at the same time! It's going to be really fun... To date, I am still the youngest student they have taken so far... =)

Level 2 starts on April 16th 2009 =) Can't wait!!

SSG's house rules...

2009-03-13T15:03:00.005+08:00

~~to see which rules are nice to bend and break....just joking...~~

I'm right now, shining, not as one who is haunting SSG but as one who used to haunt SMSM...the light I shine with now is not the light that SSG gave me but the glow of SMSM...because I have found SSG's weaknesses. I had higher expectations when I walked the halls of SSG...hoping for better outcomes...true, it is better in a way and not...no haunted place is perfect...as such, no school is perfect...every school has weaknesses because they are run by imperfect humans...even this blog itself is imperfect because I, myself have made my share of mistakes and have my share of imperfections. Since everyone is imperfect just as I am, then it gives everyone an equal reason to shine. Besides, a perfect person with no flaws would be SO boring right? Imagine having someone who would always be so obedient and always right. There won't be anyone to fight with, no one to argue with and no one to joke with.

Okay today, I would like to tell you the weaknesses, not of the school but the school's handbook or so called "Rules and regulations".

But before I begin, I would like to tell every stellamarisian that they should be thankful for ever having Ms. Martinez who has so carefully and nicely done the handbook for us and making the school rules outstandingly clear in her own firm but gentle way. Not every principal can do that and we are fortunate to have such a person enter our lives.

The good thing about the stellamarisian diary is that the school rules, school planner, class timetable, agreement form, school diary and school fees are bound together in the same book. The penal code for summonses are in a seperate piece of paper so that it is easy to carry about.

In SSG, they have the rule book but it isn't detailed enough. Not just that, I am confused with the rule about hair especially the rule about using plain black simple hairpins and bands. The rule book talks about having hair accessories in black (I don't have a problem. Black's my favourite colour. Gothica lothica!) but the students seem to wear fancy colourful bands. About jewellery, ~~besides Ali wearing multiple bracelets to class lolx XD,~~ the girls wear ear studs but the rule book says that no jewellery is not allowed to school. The book doesn't mention about religious articles. Most of the minor offenses end with the consequence of being punished but never mentions about the punishment. In this case, how is it fair to punish a student? If the punishment is not worthy of the offense commited, what shall we say about this? Are we going to keep quiet? Even in court, the consequence for the offense is very clearly stated. Anyway, every student goes to school to gain knowledge by means of education. No student goes there to get punished. People, that's just the beginning. Life is fair, the school rules ain't following the flow...XP To me, it's dangerous to bend a rule that I don't understand or am not clear about.

Just last week, Mr. Juan Man just flared up just because some of us didn't pass up our books (names will not be mentioned here)...due to that, he just walked out of the class before his lesson period ended. And the majority were so nice not to report him. I don't blame anyone for not reporting, I didn't too since there seems to be no majority backing up. ~~(5Sc2, ya'll are just too nice to tolerate these things...so patient...~~ ~~Thank you.~~ ~~This idiot...sry...just had to...no...shouldn't...control my temper now~~ He gave us a test on a chapter he haven't covered yet. He brought forward our test (supposed to be done this week) to last week. It made me feel as if he was saying "Hey, they think they're so smart that they don't pass up their work. Let's see how they are going to do this test and prove their cleverness." At the end, he kept saying..."Only idiots will do the same paper..." after announcing that he will give us a retest. This week came, just yesterday...he gave us that retest...and there it was, the same paper! So should we settle with the insult?! The insult of indirectly calling us idiots and having us submit to it by doing the test?!! And submit to such a thing for 2 periods?!!

I have never sat down and accepted and insult like that. If you don't believe me, you can ask SMSM how I tackle these insults. I never sit down and keep quiet. I will do the test. Then stand up and fight with the teacher (nothing violent la). I'm just freakin' angry and pissed by him already. Mind you, this is just the 3rd month in SSG. It's not over yet. This is the beginning. This is nuts.

Friendly Portraits

2009-03-09T13:51:00.002+08:00

Since it's been such a long time since I did portraits, I decided to haunt facebook looking for pretty and handsome faces among my friends to sketch...on the condition that the photo has to be clear and solo...which means the photo has only one person...I'm thinking about taking only about 6 to 7 photos...and start sketching next week...so let's see who's pictures will become artist pieces next week...

Don't ask why

2009-03-06T15:13:00.002+08:00

When memories of the lonely days,
carry me thru this lonely night,
It's hard to find a hope-
that tells me everything will be okay;
it's just so hard to believe that everything will be alright.

~plucked from: So Lonely (Part I) (unposted poem)
(Some of you might know this)

First things first, I did the talk on floriography and I did bring a lot of roses for 2 reasons. One reason was the presentation and the other was to therapy me psychologically. Don't ask why. So I never want to see another yellow rose unless someone means to give it to me sincerely. I'm kinda depressed at the moment. Don't ask why. If someone really sincerely gives me a yellow rose, let it be given together with baby's breath or some small cheap common flower (mark of sincerity) or grass flowers are okay- to tune my mind a little for these few days. Don't ask why. I seem to cry in my sleep way more than I do when I'm awake. Don't ask why. Don't talk about relationships. Don't wanna know. Don't wanna listen. Don't wanna hear. Not interested at all. Don't ask why. I don't have a love interest. I know how desperate I sound but I'm not. I'm not desperate for marriage. Don't ask why. I tend to stare out the window to the windows of the opposite building. Don't ask why. Ali, yellow roses to you...all the meanings together. It's no wonder if you'd raise your eye brow. Don't ask why.

Thanx a lot.

Annexe Art Career Fair 2009

2009-03-03T13:17:00.002+08:00

Yep, I went after church on Sunday. I managed to make it for the film forum. The speakers were Yasmin Ahmad, Lina Ng and the hilarious-Benjamin McKay. It was an eye opener to the industry. Some really enjoyable clips from USM, UiTM, Aswara and Sunway UC were put up. (Sally, you did a good job! I can't wait to see your career blossom.)

According to these speakers, it seems that Malaysian films or say, movies are not so universal and not everyone can relate to. It's true. I have to agree. Singapore is not so different than us but their movies are very marketable and it doesn't run from home-Singapore and it's very easy to relate to. Take "I Not Stupid" for example.

After that was the visual arts forum. We had Beverly Yong, Sharon Chin and of course, the famous, Jailani Abu Hassan. He never told his parents he was an artist until his work appeared in the newspapers. How did he hide it from his parents? He just told them he was doing 'something big in KL'. They didn't know what that was until just recently.

It was so cool. I think this educational trip will help me a lot in future. Doing movies don't lie in your skill but your working attitude, determination and of course, God's blessings and divine timing. Doing everything else is the same.

Worrying

2009-03-03T13:06:00.001+08:00

Worrying,
makes nothing
better.
It merely takes space in your mind
which you could use
to store good thoughts of kind.
It makes you trust God less,
you run out of faith
to believe that God would bless.
The more you worry,
you become anxious and
that wears down your body.

Who, by worrying can change the colour of one's hair?
I cannot, you cannot.
Who, by worrying can rewind the clock?
I cannot, you cannot.
Who, by worrying can make a day 25 hours?
I cannot, you cannot.
Who, by worrying can get things done?
I cannot, you cannot.
So if by worrying, we cannot change anything
for the better or to our desire,
then worry not.

Old and good

2009-02-28T19:34:00.003+08:00

This morning, I arrived at Petaling Street a few hours earlier than usual. (I usually go there for tuition or to shop for art material). This time, it's just one of those times when I arrive too early and have no idea what to do after getting down from the bus.

I walked down a long road when suddenly, a little dim-lighted bookstore caught my attention. What made me go in there was that all the books in there were yellow and old. They were vintage books. I managed to get the book which I was hunting for for a very long time and I got to bargain for a fair price. Which was way cheaper than the same book sold in Popular bookstore.

I got it alright! Yay!

Not only did I find this book but I saw a nice, OLD Twilight book...but I find it in really good condition...

and I found the old covers of R.L. Stine's Goosebumps as well as the old covers of Russel Lee's True Singapore Ghost Stories.

and know what's the best thing about them? The content is exactly the same as the ones in the new covers sold in shopping centres.

Reading the book with the old covers makes me feel like reading an old book with lots of value. I also saw stacks and stacks of Hans Christian Andersen, Charles Dickens and all that sort of books. Not only that, I managed to see what was inside the textbooks of my mother's time. It's hard cover and nicely binded unlike the books we have today. The content, small print, many words, less diagrams.

So, I do like vintage stuff like books and fashion.

John 3 vs. 16 (sheep joke)

2009-02-28T19:24:00.002+08:00

I felt that I should share this joke with you since it keeps me giggling on the inside whenever I think about it.

Okay, for you christians, I suppose you know John 3 vs. 16 right?

It's just a few months ago that my church had a staff lunch. The event was lunch with games and lucky draws in between. At one time, the game was to quote any scripture (without referring to any source) with the word 'sheep' in it and the table with the most verses with 'sheep' wins. After everyone submitted their papers, he read out some of them and there was one which was so funny, everyone burst out laughing. This verse is nowhere in the bible and I think it's wasn't written to win anything but to make the emcee laugh too.

(Original from the Bible)
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begothen Son such that anyone who believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."
~John 3 vs. 16

(The 'sheep' joke)
"For God so loved the sheep that He gave His only begothen Son such that anyone who believes in Him shall not become shepherd's pie."

I think it came from the youth table. Usually such things pop up from there.

Hope ya'll enjoy that one. God bless. lolx

The Annexe Arts Career Fair 2009

2009-02-27T16:15:00.002+08:00

Sat 28 Feb & Sun 1 Mar, 11am to 6pm
Presented by The Annexe Gallery & Central Market
Admission Free

This event is ideal for:
1. Young folks curious about what they can do with their talents
2. High school leaver who are contemplating a career in the arts
3. Parents who are curious about employment and education opportunites for their artistic children
4. Anyone with have artistic nieces, nephews, friends whom they think have the potential
5. Working adults stuck in boring day jobs and desperate to find an outlet for their creativity. It's never too late!

HEAR ARTISTES TALK ABOUT THEIR PASSION, STRUGGLES AND REWARDS

SCHEDULE
SAT 28 FEB
11.00am – MUSIC FORUM: Sean Ghazi, Saidah Rastam, Ahmad Muriz Che Rose
12.30pm – Music performances by students
03.00pm – THEATRE FORUM: Jit Murad, Anne James, Fahmi Fadzil
04.30pm – Theatre performances by students

SUN 1 MAR
11.00am – DANCE FORUM: Joseph Gonzales, Pat Ibrahim, Mew Chang Tsing, Umesh Shetty
12.30pm – Dance performances by students
02.00pm – FILM FORUM: Yasmin Ahmad, Lina Tan, Benjamin McKay
03.30pm – Film screenings
04.30pm – VISUAL ART FORUM: Jailani Abu Hassan, Sharon Chin, Beverly Yong

SPEAKERS

Music
1. Sean Ghazi – Singer, actor (Won AIM Best New Artiste for his solo album "Semalam" released in 2007; Acted in "P Ramlee The Musical", staged at Istana Budaya in 2007)
2. Ahmad Muriz Che Rose – Conductor, Composer, Saxophonist, Music Director (Petronas Performing Arts Group)
3. Saidah Rastam – Composer ("M The Opera", staged at Istana Budaya in 2006; Commissioned to compose for "Spirits" by the Singapore Arts Festival in 2005)

Theatre
1. Jit Murad – Actor, playwright (Goldrain & Hailstone, Spilt Gravy on Rice - Best English Script at Boh Cameronian Arts Awards)
2. Anne James – Actor (Best Actor at BOH Cameronian Arts Awards 2003)
3. Fahmi Fadzil – Actor, director, presenter (Mandarin Oriental Fan of the Arts Ward for Most Promising Artist at BOH Cameronian Arts Award 2006)

Dance
1. Joseph Gonzales – Choreographer, ASWARA Head of Dance (Artseefartsee Cross Cultural Champion of the Arts Award 2007)
2. Mew Chang Tsing – Choreographer, Dancer, Dance Curator (Kakiseni Audience Choice Award for Dance 2003)
3. Pat Ibrahim – Choreographer (Puteri Gunung Ledang the Musical)4. Umesh Shetty – Dancer, choreographer (6 times award winner at Boh Cameronian Arts Award)

Film
1. Yasmin Ahmad – Film Director (Of critically and commercially acclaimed films "Sepet", "Gubra" and "Mukhsin"; Releasing her new film "Talentime" in 2009)
2. Lina Tan – Film & TV Producer (Of Red Communications, producer for "Gol & Gincu", "KAMI" and the 3R TV series)
3. Benjamin McKay – Film Critic (Off The Edge, Kakiseni), Film studies lecturer (Monash University)

Visual Art
1. Jailani Abu Hassan – Leading contemporary painter and art educator
2. Beverly Yong – Art Curator, Director of RogueArt (art consultancy), formerly managing director of Valentine Willie Fine Art
3. Sharon Chin – Visual artist, Art critic (Off The Edge)

For enquiries, please call:
Pang Khee Teik (Arts Programme Director): 012 305 1135

Jerome Kugan (Media Manager): 016 802 7347

Lim Chung Wei (Arts Manager): 012 207 5140

The Annexe Gallery
1st & 2nd Floor,
Central Market Annexe
Jalan Hang Kasturi
Kuala Lumpur
Tel: +603-2070 1137
www.annexegallery.com

"Haunted" jokes

2009-02-27T15:47:00.002+08:00

Okay, it's been 2 months in SSG and I heard quite a number of ghost stories...about the school. It's normal. Nothing to be scared about. It's just stories. Almost every school has their scary tales to tell...almost that is...

I do read regularly updated reports of these encounters with spiritual beings when I'm really free with nothing to do. I won't say it's totally absurd...but when I think about the reason for these 'things' to be around...I tend to laugh at how crazy it all sounds. However, I have to agree that the paranormal lurks around us all the time because I have encountered some of these things myself.

It seems that our school used to be a hospital and you know how many people pass away in there...but why would they want to come back and haunt? That's my question.

It's not like if the langsuays get what they want, they'd be happy...I mean, what are they going to do with it? And how about the jumping mummies? If they catch you, what would they do to you? Even if they killed you, what's in it for them? And those ghosts in the lift and the bathroom, I suggest you let them twiddle with the lights and the water tap if they like playing with it.

Okay, if you're really that scared, then here are some tips:
1. When you use the bathroom, avoid looking up, you got no reason to do so anyway.
2. Concentrate only on your reflection when you use the mirror.
3. Stay cool. These creatures only want your attention so they can scare the wits out of you.
4. Pray.
5. When standing in the lift, lean or stand close to the back wall of the lift facing the buttons. Just keep away from the buttons.

Honestly, I still don't see why ghosts want to do such things. Face the reality, spirits outnumber the number of man on this earth eversince Lucifer was cast down.

Crushin'

2009-02-27T15:34:00.002+08:00

I watch you from a distance,
Trying to catch your eye, I go closer,
Want your attention,
but stumblin', backin' off, I'm nervous,
when you look over.

I see you in the evening, every day,
nothing extraordinary,
I continue on my quiet way,
but I wish you'd say something good to me.

Trying to catch my breath,
boy, I'm feelin' weak,
Heart racing, flame's burning intensely,
Can't find the words to speak.

Lie in my bed at night,
Can't seem to sleep,
Looking at your picture in dim light,
wishin' you were mine to keep.

Wild Flower

2009-02-27T14:57:00.001+08:00

She lurks in every lonely place, the dimmest part,
From light, she hides her heart;
In the sun, a wild flower's beauty,
In the dark, her heart aches in pain and agony,
In the cold nights, she comes knocking
at your heart's door, longing
for a comforting
hand to hold,
a fire-warming,
to warm her heart
so cold.

To the bones; aches the pain;
drenched-she is, in the pouring rain,
she barely looks in the mirror
ashamed of the sorrow-she suffers

A displaced little girl,
a dirty pearl,
with tears in silence,
waiting for a death sentence,
night and day,
pressing on in every way,
to keep her soul alive,
doing her best to survive.

Before the altar,
every night she says a prayer
for the gift of companions,
the prayer remains the same,
answered in seasons,
not lasting forever,
but thank you, Father.

Beautiful are my surroudings, the flowers-
You make, the wonderful creatures;
some wither, some tossed in the violent wind,
some have gone, they have been,
now in heaven, shining down on me
to guide my life, to try outshine the darkness
to unleash my beauty, glowing in Your glory.

Scar-lett Rose (Part II)

2009-02-23T17:59:00.005+08:00

Arouse her,
with every smile, every gaze,
she fills his soul with colour,
he feels himself burn ablaze

He strokes her curls,
tasting her lips like wine,
so lucky is she among all girls,
intimate love, so divine

His hands on her waist,
her arm on his shoulder,
love's beauty is none to waste,
Happiness and pain, let not your petals wither

Such trust,
such honesty,
such intensity,
such intimacy,
such beauty

Red to crimson,
Crimson to scarlett,
The beauty of love is to no comparison,
Hardship is woven in love, so let this rose be forever-
scar-lett.

Scar-lett Rose (Part I)

2009-02-23T17:23:00.003+08:00

To touch your body-
my fingers you blister,
yet I'm frozen in your ruthless beauty;
my heart, imprisoned with your silent torture

Yet I'm a fool for your painful love,
To carress you and embrace your face,
that tells me the depth of your scar-lett love,
now, into your eyes I gaze

I see you adorn a lover's hand,
So sincere, so pure, so true,
I wait anticipating the right second,
for a gift to be possessed-you

I await the pair of hands,
that does it all ordinary,
to make his plans
and give you to me

To cure my pain,
and make the thorns blossom,
the arms that'll carry me-
through this stormy rain

In hope that those hands
would cherish mine,
in consistent truth, respect and commitment; no pretence-
to ache my body or wear my mind

Yet anticipation
grows wild at the rhythm
of the clock's every vibration
to awake love at the right season

Crankin' up the pressure

2009-02-23T16:30:00.003+08:00

These days....I'm not talking just weekdays...I'm talking weekends too...I'm not talking about school...I'm talking about everywhere...I'm becoming CRANKY....yep, pretty unusually short-tempered....get angry very easily...somewhat more sensitive than before...

The adrenaline rushes are killing me in the morning...draining my tired brain before I even reach the classroom...I just wear a smile and keep telling myself everything's going to be just fine...and soon I might get relaxed and bored again...hehehe...

The temptation to blog is back and I'm giving in to it since I'm so bored...I don't have my books with me at the moment so it stops me from studying...

The examination grounds are seriously heating up as the assessment tests begin...heating up hotter than before because I now have new competition whom I am not familiar with at all in terms of studies...the assessment tests begin even earlier than stated in the so-called 'efficient' school planner...I miss SMSM's diary format because there's always a planner, and ample space to record daily homework...and the best is that it's dated for every big space provided...so no worries of ever being forgetful... It's just a week ago that I started loosening up and getting relaxed and it was just a few days ago that I managed to find a slot in my time for relaxation in a hectic study routine...

Last night, the thought of studying sent a lot of adrenaline rushes through my veins and the pressure was really weighing on my shoulders...throughout my time of relaxation and quiet thinking...I was shouted at to get back to studying...so yea...here I am...on my way back to studying...

5Sc2's little habit of not passing up homework on time is something SO common in SMSM...the only difference is that SSG makes such a big fuss about it...in my past, at least the datelines were negotiable...it's killing my competition spirit but I'm keeping it up...with the downside of turning very, very CRANKY...it's warding people off...I know...I'm trying to keep myself under control and I think I've lost it just recently and I'm trying to get it back...

Wait...what does this experience remind me of? The time when I was in form 2...I slept at 2-4am for an entire month and a half...I collapsed...burnt out...never turned up for parents meet teachers day....aced my exams but barely made it alive if it weren't for good ol' coke...

To make the current situation worse, no sleep...but with God's grace, He's at least keeping my apetite in check...

Bored

2009-02-19T13:10:00.002+08:00

After stressful days, plenty adrenaline rushes in the morning, lenghty days, sleepless nights and a tired body, God emptied the class for me...as a result, no lessons and plenty of time to relax and catch up with undone work...it's a miracle that was more than what I was praying for... I prayed for more time...and the miracle that I expected was maybe for Him to add an extra hour on the clock or hold the sun in place so that the night lasts longer...but He did it differently and He was more logical than I am...

I'm freakin' bored now but it's okay because at least I have time for myself and I managed to even have some selah moments due to the wonderful sound of absolute silence and they beauty of a solitary moment...

God's been working in my favour and thank God...I mean really...who would have thought that at the peak of my stressing period, He was there not to give me a moment longer than I can bear...

...but it's only this week while Hukoryo is here...after that, it's back to square one but I'm praying for a drastic improvement in my odd sleeping habit...I'm a goldfish... I tend to sleep walk and become a goldfish at night for the past few weeks...when I mean goldfish...I mean sleeping with my eyes open...

~til after the assessment test...God bless

Sucking the old poison out

2009-02-14T18:44:00.002+08:00

YES I AM!!

The results of coming out of SMSM:

First things first, I desperately need a really good attitude adjustment. I need to get my good old BM back. My ping pong skills are a bit suckish from my old standards so that leaves too much room for improvement. Mr. Raj, for your information, maths has always been my weakest subject since the day I knew it...no joke, since kindergarten. It's a miracle how I got those miracle UPSR and PMR results. I need LOTS of love, attention and support.

I did a self-evaluation...results: my working attitude now sucks compared to my working attitude while I used to be in SMSM. I can't sleep and I don't eat properly because my appetite is some how gone. It's not bon appetit now...it's bone appetite. I feel way weaker than before. I get tired freakin easily. It's troubling me a lot and it's very annoying and frustrating when energy starts depleting in class. Some people around me who notice are taking note of how bony I'm becoming and I have to agree with them. I'm still pale but conditions are improving compared to last year. I'm shorter than how I'm supposed to be.

I need change...but it begins with myself.

~btw, I got Valentine's message for ya'll...
just that if you have problem with organic chemistry, you may have lots of problems doing detergents....and in organic chemistry, you'll learn how to spell my real name wrongly...you'll find out my umpteen nicknames...which my parents didn't give me...I finally got someone to coach me on isomerism and I'm getting a hang of it. It's fun! Happy studying. I won't be minding my blog until end of assessment test week.

Happy Haunting Valentine's DaY.

busy busy =)

Dear, 'Sugar''s not the only name I got

2009-02-09T15:37:00.006+08:00

Sugar really has too many names!!!

barley malt
beet sugar
brown sugar
buttered syrup
cane-juice crystals
cane sugar
caramel
carob syrup
corn syrup
corn syrup solids
date sugar
dextran
dextrose
diastate
diastatic malt
ethyl maltol
florida crystals
fruit juice
fruit juice concentrate
glucose
glucose solids
golden sugar
golden syrup
grape sugar
high-fructose corn syrup
honey
invert sugar
lactose
malt syrup
maltodextrin
maltose
mannitol
molasses
raw sugar
refiner’s syrup
sorbitol
sorghum syrup
sucrose sugar
turbinado sugar
xylitol
yellow sugar

i heart question mark

2009-02-09T12:38:00.006+08:00

I couldn't resist taking off that exam break skin to post my Valentine's message! =D

I know. It's been years already. I'd like to begin by thanking my partner in my previous relationship, and those who wanted me earlier but didn't get me (Boy, I'm hard to get) for the great experience, love and support from ya'll. I may not be able to wish you, my dear "Happy Valentine's Day" as your lover but now, as a really good friend.

The idea of Valentine's Day being a love-dovey day is so wrong. Valentine's Day and Valentine's season is meant for the expression of love from one person to another as long as one loves the other. Valentine's Day is NOT meant for LOVERS ONLY. It's not LOVERS' DAY. A loved one can be parents, friends, brothers and sisters, cousins, uncles, aunts, guardians or even your enemy. It's not restricted to the dating and the married couples only.

People have commercialised it to be a day of romance and that's not right. Not to mention flowers being really expensive during Valentine's. I do use flower language codes to communicate at times. I wear them. I carry them. I give them. I make them. I put them on tables. I collect them. I love them. If you have never known it, my middle name is Black Rose. A black rose symbolises death or rebirth. However, I try my best not to buy flowers during Valentine's due to the price raise. I think I will have to do so this Valentine's. No, I don't have a new love interest. I just didn't book my flowers earlier. I usually order or book my flowers one or two months earlier from the nearest florist. So yea. I was so busy this time I forgot.

Some flower suggestions: (Don't confine to roses, puh-lease, they're pretty but they're too common. I like difference and uniqueness).

Try a yellow rose for friendship. Try a red carnation for love-it means 'my heart aches for you'. If you insist on giving me flowers, I love roses simply because they look elegant and beautiful. I love sunflowers too. I don't really fancy those fancy bouquet wrappers. Plain is okay. The lesser the decorations, the more sincere it is. =D

Chrysanthemums are good too. You can get it in the wet market for a very cheap price and have someone or yourself wrap it up in a bouquet. Try grass flowers, they work really well. Grass means submission...in this context, submission in love. If you really like more of this info, check out my flower dictionary at the side-bar. I didn't create it, it's one of those dictionaries I use.

Since I didn't order my flowers, let me give 'em out in this post.

This year, I'd order....

~for everyone I love. You know who you are-my parents, my family, my wonderful blog audience, 5Sc2, Ali, Nihc'c, J, Joash Chan, Sally Ann, the church pastors, everyone back in SMSM, my teachers, *too many to name*, erm...Carmen, Amos and the other form 4 juniors I've met, my ex-man and everyone else. Forgive me if I left out your name because I can't fit everyone in this post. I just highlight the main ones. That includes my enemies. I love my enemies too.

~Love is a choice. I love out of sincere personal decision not because I feel like it. I love ya'll.

Let me end with this message about "True Love", a chapter from my dear, favourite book-my life manual:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

With much love,

Haunting Black Rose Angel

White feathered miracle

2009-02-06T15:05:00.006+08:00

It's amazing how this looks right. God made everything for us and He made this for us to enjoy too.

This is so mAjEsTiC!!!

Hey, but the star of this post now is a....WHITE PEACOCK!

So white...people say if we see one, we get lots of good luck. I'm not the superstitious kind and I don't believe in luck. I only believe in heavenly blessings. However, I have to admit that this bird looks really amazing...so OuTsTaNdInG!!

Congratulations

2009-02-06T14:53:00.005+08:00

J, I know you told me to say so only on next Tuesday but I've found out about the new school principal already. So I can't wait to congratulate SMSM on receiving a new principal. Happy schooling. =)

Possible Blogging Break (maybe)

2009-02-05T18:25:00.002+08:00

I might be taking a break from blogging possibly somewhere after Valentines until my assessment test period. However, I might not take my Saturdays off completely. There will always be a temptation to blog but I will have to control and manage myself well. In case I don't blog until then, ciaoz and happy studying.

Life without pills

2009-02-05T17:45:00.005+08:00

It's time for me to revert to my pills after a long try to avoid depending on them. It's weakening my body a lot than before. This is not good. I avoided taking my red pills and I almost fainted yesterday. I avoided my white diet pills for a long time and I couldn't eat a lot. People are complaining of how skinny I'm becoming. I ran out of sleeping pills and I can't sleep for more than a week. This is not good. I just found out that I have a pill worth 4 hours left but it ensures me a good sleep only for one night. I didn't take any of those pills today and I ended up with a nausea and I threw up a lot today.

~This is not going good.

Nicknames & similarities

2009-02-05T16:49:00.009+08:00

Yep, that's what the nickname I decided to give to my Red house teacher. His name, if said twice means 'butterfly'. I think it's quite reasonable since he's bubbly and cheerful. He calls me "Jenny". The reason why I can tell you that is because it's not my real name. He just can't remember my real name which many people call me by so that's what he calls me. It just reminds me of how Mr. Joseph used to call me back in the early days of form 1 when he couldn't remember my real name too. I wonder how Mr. Butterfly managed to coin such an appropriate name for me by not remembering my real one. The reason why I coin nicknames for my teachers is because I don't want to reveal their names in cyberspace just like how I don't like my real name hanging around the internet. Not only that, I get to comment on them without them or too many people knowing it.

As for the English teacher, since he looks like a Malay version of a Simpsons cartoon drawing and I can imagine him being drawn that way; speaking english with the typical Malay slengh. His slightly big belly helps me give me that picture too and his hairstyle. Very different in a way.

The hardest for many to relate to the reason why I spell his nickname this way is Mr. Juann Man. 'Juann' in Spanish is pronounced as "Wan". As such, this is my history teacher. He is one boring dude...*drools*

As for myself, I have many, many nicknames that people used to call me and most of these are the names people call me when they can't remember my name and when they call my name, make a mistake because they can't remember it and then they keep calling me that. My nickname-Kate was formed from a tease or maybe an insult in a way. I was given the nickname 'Alley Cat' a few years ago and some kind people wanted it to be more decent so it was then changed to 'Kate'. I didn't like people calling me 'Alley' especially now because the guy sitting next to me has his name pronounced somewhat the same way. The other common one is 'Jenny'. Mrs. Kang coined this one for me when she can't remember me-'Elizabeth'. Let's see what other names I get later on.

So now, I found a common link to some of them. Yes, I'm planning and modifying my strategy of building bridges of love and friedship with those around me. One seems to be failing though. Have to modify some more. Mr. Butterfly reminds me a lot of Mr. Joseph and Ali reminds me a lot of Clement Law except that Ali's more gentle and kind. I'm still looking for similarities...still searching for as close as I can get.

Annual sickness?

2009-02-03T12:51:00.000+08:00

As hard as it is to believe, is it really possible to blame certain rituals for sicknesses?

I have come across many of such cases where people get sick after returning to places or after attending some ceremonies or watching/doing rituals. It's hard to prove scientifically. I can't think of the logical link between such things and a persons well-being eg. health, emotions and metal.

Despite not being able to find the link between the two, I have to agree to it sometimes. I get sick usually during chinese new year season or the period after chinese new year...no offense, but I start burning up when I go to some so-called 'holy' places except the church I usually go to and the linking churches.

I came across people, after being prayed for or what they become mad, or they get healed of a disease? I don't know. If someone can provide a logical explanation, please come forward and do the honours.

Sleepless

2009-02-02T17:26:00.004+08:00

When sleep is something I don't always get...

I'm getting sick already...I'm feeling it a bit...let's hope I get better at the end of the day...somehow, I kinda look forward to the chapter after 'ceramics'in chemistry...(:

Opening the old drawer and the old big black file

2009-02-02T15:41:00.010+08:00

~It's a remarkable improvement that the desire in my heart to kill myself anymore was gone, just like that...in such a short time of prayer.

~It's common for God to hear me ask for forgiveness from Him for all the sins I've commited.

It was just a few nights ago, I think on Saturday night, I made a strong decision to forgive every wrong that SMSM did to me and to forgive myself for everytime I did them and myself wrong. It wasn't easy forgetting the wrongs they did, just like how it's not easy remembering the very few times I really held on tight to-the times I enjoyed most, the times when somebody was good to me. It wasn't easy forgetting the countless times I tortured myself too and how I almost mistreated and dishonoured my body, how I almost threw my virginity away because I degraded and devalued myself-It's now that I find how stupid I really was to let man judge me without me knowing it.

My little sister opened this drawer of mine to borrow table tennis stuff. It was just then, the memories of how table tennis was my forte sport and how I loved it came into mind. I remembered learning it from a friend (Louis) whom I'll never forget. We're both the same age. He was just so patient with me. I learnt how to play table tennis when I was 11 years old. I was really little back in those years. He taught me how to play carroms too and I grew fond of watching him and his elder brother play. We never met after I left for secondary school though.

I was pretty ambitious during my first year of secondary school. I became the secretary for the table tennis club and the treasurer for the culture and drama club. My table tennis was good. A match was held between myself and the other members of the table tennis club one day. Many rounds were won and after that, they told me I was too tough a challenge to handle. Depression wore me down later on after more gossips about me spread like wildfire. My last match was during the inter-house games-being partnered with the house captain, against two senior Luke house members was a good challenge. We lost but I liked every moment of it.

I remember having a guy stolen from me before he could get his guts to confess. hahaha...he never got me...(Man, I'm hard to get!)...I'm looking at my old year books now. I miss my good BM! I wrote a lot of sajaks that got published in the school magazine...aww, those were the days... I remember Samuel Thye...he was just so nice and sweet...and Clement Law! The guy known to be at the back of the school bus trying to feed me indirectly with good advice and science stuff in a dirty way...he just doesn't keep himself still and quiet... Nihc'c & J, I'll never be able to forget these two...I don't know if I'll be able to remember D&D Ren in the next few months though...Geneveive, I won't forget, the girl who wrote her way to Dublin...and the best English public speaker...who can forget wor? *giggles* My ex-boyfriend whom I will always be grateful for having him...it's just sad we didn't work out to last...

Now, I can reveal the person behind the initial 'Ms. M' for those who don't know her...she's Ms.
Martinez...she somehow gives me lots of inspiring advice...

~I miss:
Ms. Chuah, for her pink shoes...Mr. Alex for his PINK SLIPS!! , wonderful humour and chemistry lessons, Ms. Sushi for the entertaining biology lessons, Mr. Chua...for teaching until his last bit of strength...his dedication, Mr. Joseph...for 'exploiting' my voice and musical abilities and for never forgetting my birthday, Mr. Oliver for his interesting science classes and questions that make me think...Ms. Penafort! My dear school counselor, now who did I miss?...hmmm....Ms. Mala for the 'miracle' geography marks, Pn. Zakiah for appreciating my artwork, The CAIS project team who were so passionate and tirelessly working to make that project a successful and memorable one, Mr. Das for his superstitious stories which are really nice to listen to, his good system of handling up work, and his talents in fortune telling...some sort like that la...Ms. Umarani, for making me a sort-of-IT-genius..., Mr. Ivan Liew for allowing me to discuss 'school stuff' with...man, it was dirty but for good reasons and the betterment of the students...and teachers...lolx...=)

I miss my old seniors....they were just very helpful...I miss the guy-the asst. transport guy...yes him, the one who hung out with me during my school trip to P. Langkawi...I miss the tour guide dude who knew where the best spots of Malaysia like the back of his hand...

The best memories I've ever had was the last few moments before the school year ended in form 1. Everyone came out of their classes with a drink in their hands and gathered at the railing, which was at the centre...there were more people upstairs and we had 'yam seng'...that was the last of unity that I've seen...the best finale for end of the year...and my first time on the fashion runway...that was my first and last debut the school will ever see...and looking at how the teachers' jaws drop and eyes pop out...

What about the old big black file? All the assignments I never passed up...XP...I wish I could hand them up for the last time...and yes, the picture of me with a snake on Earth day...a few scratches on it but still looking good...*smiles widely*

(Thanx, sis, for opening that drawer...)

Silver lining amidst the dark clouds

2009-01-31T16:00:00.009+08:00

~Wow, a partial eclipse? I never thought God was saying something during that time!
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

No pills.

I didn't get to sleep too well last night. I woke up at I think...2:30am and then I tried to get myself to sleep again...but I kept waking up at 5am and again at 7.30am and 9am. I was giggling in my sleep...I feel sleepy, yes, and not to mention, tired after long days and long nights...but I just can't sleep when I hit the pillow, I might sleep immediately but there's no doubt I'd wake up somewhere in the very wee hours in the morning.

I found out something about myself too. I used to think this was a joke and if someone really had this, he or she is really abnormal and please count me in that abnormal crowd...I thought I just talk, cry, giggle or scream in my sleep but I never thought I'd walk during my sleep...I found myself somewhere else other than my bedroom while I was in Penang.

I still need some time for me to adjust to the new environment in SSG but I'm better now of course. There's been some improvement...I might still need my diet pills (I'm not aneroxic, I just don't have a good apetite to eat) and my sleeping pills (either nightmares or else I'd really won't sleep).

Just a few weeks ago, I was determined to murder myself gruesomely and painfully. I was planning my own death and I was planning to dig my own grave. Ever haunted by thoughts of death and giving up my life. Man, that was mental and emotional torment. To top up with that, I had to face the pressure of living up to my parents' expectations (my dad boasts before anything comes up) and adjust to a VERY different environment and at the same time, keep up with a new pace and fit in with an entirely new crowd...a crowd that seemed to judge me earlier in childhood without knowing the real me...but have now opened their mind to give me another chance... but I have nothing to prove.

I couldn't take it anymore. I was ready with plenty of random pills, in an empty bedroom ready to take my life. The Spirit of Death was there to lure me to more gruesome ideas to kill myself. Calming myself down, I sat down. Ringing from the wall behind me, was the four words that used to ring aloud in my heart....the ray of hope that my enemies will be judged...

"CHRIST IS COMING BACK!!!!"

That was what I heard.

I didn't want to kill myself just like that. It wouldn't be worth the miracles he did in my life. I just wished it was a different miracle. I begged God to forgive me and how sorry I really felt. He helped me out. Immediately, I got back to my senses. The sanity which I once lost just came back in a flash. The voice of Death was completely shut out of my mind and it didn't come back not even for a second. He gave me the nicest lecture any father couldn't give their kids. It was literally the most comforting lecture I've ever had. (btw, I have 2 fathers...one in Heaven, and will always be....and one on earth here that gives me my surname)

I accepted Christ when I was 5 years old but the time when I really commited everything to Him was when I was 9 years old. I went through the same thing as I'm going through now back then...it's just that, I never thought killing myself was possible until later on. lolx. Since then, I left most of my worrying to God...and I worried the least. I panicked the least. I was more calm and peaceful compared to others who would do most of the worrying on their own. When I came into SSG this year, I forgot all that. I left my dignity and my good BM in SMSM. I lost them on my way to SSG. XP I did most of the worrying and panicking in SSG...I started stressing myself up being worried about the outcome. For the very first time, I was worried about tommorrow!

But I remembered the other advices, lectures and thoughts of wisdom my Father in heaven used to give me.

-"Can you add another strand of hair on your head and call it black, brown, red, blonde or white if you continue worrying about the next day? If you can't, stop worrying. How would you know what's in store for you the next day when I didn't tell you so? Trust me and let tomorrow answer for itself the questions of today."

He gave me these not too long ago:
-"You don't know what the world holds for you or what the next minute says. Do not be afraid of the future that you don't know. By being afraid of it, you are being afraid of nothing because it hasn't come and hasn't shown itself to you."

-"Let no one despise you for your youth for many do not belong to me but you do. Great is your Father that stays with you than the giant standing before you."

His lectures make laugh at myself most of the time.

Hey, what did tommorrow spell for me? Free project material and of course, Ali and 5Sc2 and big tidal waves of challenges.

Feels like someone giving an unwanted kid clean clothes, a glass of plain water and a hug.

Comparing myself with another and thanking God for what I have will not create a purpose or reason good enough for me not to kill myself. It won't make me want to live. He's got that and I've got this. So what?! Every individual is different with different purposes in life whether they know it or not, their souls are different and so are their spirits. The only thing that makes us the same is that we are imperfect and vulnerable pieces of flesh and blood that cannot overcome death on their own. Doing a good deed won't buy me into heaven, neither will it change the state of mind that I have, it won't benefit anyone besides the receiver. A good deed doesn't make any changes one's own life. Who, by doing good works can build their little stairway to heaven? Can our good deeds ever outnumber the countless times we sinned? A good deed only means something to me if I do it with a sincere and kind reason, not for the purpose of piling boxes to God's house.

But the most rewarding is to live for something bigger than ourselves, bigger than the human race which are equal in vulnerability to be evil at times. To live for something greater than everything you have or know. There are times I forget that God is with me...but as long as I go back to Him, anything people say about me, my homework, my grades, my whatever can never seperate Him from me. I may feel hurt and down but He's still there. That's why it's worth living for Him rather than myself but there are times that I forget that and tend to live solely for my own satisfaction and pleasure.

Now, I can say boldly that if I die, my place in heaven is secure. Hope has arrived and the ray of a new day has shone through the mountains...but a day holds both thorns and roses...

Larry Walters: Bored Smart Flying Idiot

2009-01-30T17:15:00.006+08:00

And I thought Mr. Bean was smart and crazy...and boy did I think I was crazy too! But only when I did a little research about this guy after Rev. Jay Mooney mentioned him in a sermon back in HUGE. Here, I present to you, Larry Walters.

Read, laugh, enjoy.

Chinese Brunette?

2009-01-30T16:32:00.005+08:00

You look at me,
I look at you,
You don't look like me,
I don't look like you

You look me,
I look everywhere else,
You look at me,
I look like no one else

~Foreigner

"Are you local?"
What a question to ask in the morning...at church! I expected something like "good morning" and a handshake. Then when working, they look at me, and they take my orders, and they work, and they leave me watching. As if I were their boss, overseeing them when I really want to work too. While others elsewhere treated me like I'm a Malaysian...a local KLite.

After so many years, they still ask me that question!

I remember arguing with my kindergarten teacher about what I am and who I am. I kept on saying I was chinese and the teacher said I was portugese or something. I just wanted to fit in with the other kids..and I had a problem of being a typical introvert-being too quiet. She kept saying..."hey, brown hair la...so white!...(btw, I was just fairer because I was PALE! I was a sickly kid)"

I also remember staring at the mirror just to make sure I look like a local...I was checking like...black hair-check, tanned-check...and so on and so forth...

I remember countless times having taxi drivers ask me " U Melayu ka?" ("Are you malay?") Haiyo! Then it bugs me the whole ride. Racist are they?!

I recall the first few days of my schooling life in SMSM. They went all, "We have one blonde girl around (Cassandra Tsan) and...hey, you (me) dyed your hair!" =.= I went all "How brown or dyed does it look...it's just my hair...I'm me...don't change me..." That led a lot of people thinking I was either from somewhere else or a really good convincing actress to say that her hair was real... Some teachers said "Dye it black!" But I didn't listen to them XP...But later on Lavina and Suet Yi came in with real dyed hair and no one noticed for months...lolx...one was striked brown and the other with reddish highlights. They got away with it despite all the hair-checks...(way to go Suet Yi, you look like a fine harajuku girl!)

So fine!! Chinese brunette maybe...

Nah. I just like being a lil christian chinese girl from Malaysia no matter what people say...

Mr. Bitter

2009-01-29T17:45:00.002+08:00

That's the nickname I made up for the principal since his name means 'bitter' in hokkien. No wonder I don't see a school counselor and that certainly explains why the character of the school he runs picks on petty little issues...like me picking on them now...XP

SSG is so different from how it used to be...Honestly, the reason why I mind what the boss says is because the words of the head means a lot and it is supposed to be the most influential compared to voices of the other teachers under him...plus, he represents the teachers and if he speaks to a public audience, he represents the entire school...I can't seem to stand his speeches even if I try to make it a point to listen...I always beg God to make his speech as short as the Student Council's announcements...I don't know why I can't concentrate and listen whenever he talks in the assembly hall...something just urges me strongly to get up or not hear a thing...and if I actually force myself to stay on, I can feel my energy depleting like superfast...and if too much of it goes off, I'd faint...I've experienced this during the final exam last year...the energy just depleted during the sejarah paper and I couldn't see anything but black and white and I just fell...I didn't finish the exam...

I wonder how long I'd last in this school...*sigh*

English is very COMPLICATED

2009-01-29T16:04:00.005+08:00

Author's note:
The English language is very complicated,
Remember so, I told you so,
The English language is very confusing,
Remember so, I told you so.

Clarity and confusion
Any jam goes well on bread except a traffic jam;
Butter tastes good but it does not attract butterflies;
Houseflies do not mind their own house;
unlike fruitflies that mind their own fruits;
Starfruits do not twinkle neither do they come from the sky;
Strawberries are not made of straw; and I keep asking why;
Mangosteen is not the feminine term for mango;
and watermelons don't contain water;
Icing is not something you find in Iceland but rather on your cake;
Supposedly, the job of a waiter is the most rewarding;
all he needs is patience as he is paid for waiting;
Badminton is not something bad but a rather good sport;
and cricket is a ball game, never played among the crickets;
poker is not a person who pokes but a card game;
Nevermind that, money makers are good businessmen and not money-printing machines;
and lastly, a human heart pumps blood and yet had feelings and holds the Will of the mind.

Painful Chinese New Year

2009-01-29T15:36:00.005+08:00

Depressed as I already am, I have managed to put down most of SMSM. I don't miss SMSM. They made me very mad & angry during my last visit. They still want me dead after all I did for them. I blessed my juniors anyway and rubbed off all the birthdays of SMSM students and teachers from my planner. I wish not to remember any of them.

I just can't seem to forget what my old headmistress told me before I left. There's no telling when I'll be able to see her again though. She quit. So yeah. Not everyone loved her because her advice fell on many deaf ears while she was around but some faithful ones like me did take it seriously.

Penang was quiet. I could not sleep. I kept waking up at night or at the very wee hours of the morning and even if I managed to close my eyes for a few hours, it'd feel like I hadn't slept for nights when I wake up. The sound of people asking me "When are you willing to die?!" or things like "Are you dead yet?!" kept me from sleeping. Those voices redirected my mind to a time when I used to be called a 'ghost' back down in the early years of highschool. Back then, I was crazy enough to really presume myself as a ghost not just because of the rumours and jokes but because of my pale complexion then. I was still sickly. It was a nightmare and no one deserves, at anytime to be treated that way. Haunting Angel used to be put in a dying mode then.

No sleeping pills, really no sleep.

The cold turkey didn't work too well.

I dare not go downstairs to ease myself or go to the kitchen or the bathroom due to the spirits that linger around for a fair and good victim to attack. I'm not joking. I've experienced it once a few years ago when I bathed really late somewhere around 1am because I came back from a function that ended very late at night. I also came across unexpected black or blue reflections in the mirror when I was brushing my teeth in the morning.

CALL ME CRAZY! this is no joke!

I told my parents and they also said that it had always been there. It's just that sometimes, we don't realise it.

And Taiping, the good news was there was no one at home! Yes! That spelt my freedom anthem. Break my chains, people! Some people used to stare at me, some with flirty glances and some with judgemental glances, thinking I was simply impossible...one of my relatives looked like he really wanted me...btw, he's a widower. But he wasn't around!

We had reunion dinner without them...just some other relatives we could find around.

Then it was back to KL.

My body was aching the whole time...and this is the first chinese new year that I didn't get sick in. I almost did in Penang despite the body aches and the weakening body...but I'm ok today...btw...thanx, Ms. Eleanor for everything...and grandma & grandpa...

Britney Spears: F.U.C.K me

2009-01-29T14:20:00.003+08:00

For those of you who didn't read the newspaper on 26th Jan 2009 which is the first day if CNY...

It's just been lately that I started liking Britney's songs after the first few tracks she produced in the beginning of her career. Britney Spears was the first pop star that introduced me into the pop culture with hip-hop and r&b. She created my escape from classical ochestra music which I was afraid of when I was little. I'm not kidding, I used to hide under my bed or go to the kitchen or something to get away from the classical ochestra or classical piano music which used to be and still is my father's favourite genre.

Britney's squeeky-clean image was torn down, revealing her intensely ugly side which she hid for years just not too long ago after her marriage and going bald and all. Her tracks were already getting ugly and sexily seductive like "My Prerogative" but I didn't mind it. Britney's music tends to reflect the status of her mind and where she is now in her life, topping with what she wants people to know about her. In other words, her life and her music goes hand in hand. Since her life is in a mess as many perceive, be careful when listening to her music.

After listening to the next track after "Overprotected" was released, I stopped fancying her music in my ears. It started to play with my mind and putting really dirty messages in my mind whenever I listened to her songs on the radio at night, when I'm sleeping. I don't know how she does it but her music can be very addictive in my case. Since then, I refrained from buying her records. I just download some of her tracks. I just try not to buy her entire album or listen to her too much.

I know there isn't a title in her album that says "F.U.C.K. me" in Britney's latest album (Circus)...but the track "If U Seek Amy" does. Say that quickly and you'd get "F.U.C.K. me". In this song, she seems to have created an alter ego of herself, naming her "Amy".

This track is indeed the work of a dirty-minded talented genius! It is catchy, it stays in your mind, all the more if you don't like the track. It was when I was reading the newspaper about the song on Chinese New Year's day morning and took it lightly until I really heard the track for myself. My cousin shared it with me and boy, was it dirty good.

Welcome the Jezebel of the new-era! She's dirty good. Right now, playing in my ears, is, yes, "If U Seek Amy". I've been playing it over and over again (I'm spoiling myself with it!). If there ever was an anthem for sexy vulgarity, this would be it!

I'm nuts to love this track but I am. btw, the 2nd track on my mixpod is none other than the song of the subject of this post. If you don't like it, skip it then. It'll take me a few days or weeks before I take it off.

Inside the big brown envelope

2009-01-23T20:25:00.003+08:00

Were my report card, my leaving school cert and interestingly, all my PEKA's and moral projects...and I get to have a little peak...I know many stellamarisians don't have that opportunity to open the envelope so early...hahaha....

Unfortunately, when depression took its toll last year (during the final exams) and started stealing my mind off my books and my exam papers and during the few weeks I planned for revision...and when I mean revision I really mean studying, no going out and just hitting the books for a really good brush for a week or two...my grades fell...like by a 100 or more in the overall...it was that bad...but I won't blame anyone for it...I'll just study harder...

Nevertheless,

I was smiling in a nostalgia just looking at my chemistry PEKA which pretty much reminded me of how nice Mr. Alex's classes were and how he exercised gentleness while being firm when he grades and comments. Those assignments leave me with only memories of all that happy moments in his class...he'll manage to cheer me up even if my day was really, really gray and gloomy...he's a real clown that doesn't smile or laugh at his own jokes...but he really does pay attention to every student and smile once in awhile...It's not the matter of how nice he looks when he smiles but when he smiles...

And my outstandingly petit and cute biology teacher....she's just really nice...I was one of her pet students...yes, I made the teachers love me for all the right reasons...

And this guy who I don't regret leaving behind- Mr. Gorilla-with-black-specs!!!

He screwed up my physics...I could only register what Mr. Balvir taught me...he was another clown whom I became a pet of...he made me a teacher's pet...and so did my BM teacher, my headmistress-Ms. M, Mrs. E and all that...and I liked the fact that Mrs. Kang didn't bully me after a good argument she failed in with me...because I had more sense that is (not something to brag about)...and she respected me for me...instead of crushing me...like she does to most of the common students especially repeat offenders....btw, she's the discipline teacher...that's why...

And I miss having all the dirty little secrets of the school in my fingertips after getting my hands unconciously dirty during my stay in SMSM...and having releasing them to my dear and beloved juniours...all the secrets from the past rumouring ghost stories to the little bad habits and misbehaviours of students and teachers...plus the weaknesses of the school and why...I miss having all that in my hands...it makes me feel like they're being really transparent with me...and that no corner of the school is beyond my reach...

The Point of No Return / Confessions

2009-01-23T15:00:00.009+08:00

I got my report card already and all my peka and what sorts....and my sis's...I signed my own getaway cards and forms (cool!)

so there's no getting back to SMSM ever again...

I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm starting to miss a heck lot of stuff like the little school rules that fail to keep and maybe the really mature and reasonable consequences. I never thought I'd actually want to go back even for a bit...I thought this was a way better world here in gravity land...and I should be sticking in it...

....until I met my old problems back when I was in SSG's gravity land years ago that made me want to leave in the first place and those were the reasons I never told my parents.

I can't believe I'm saying this but...

I (think) miss MRS. KANG...of all the teachers...I can't believe I'm saying this...~~(I'm nuts to say this)~~

She's the discipline teacher back in SMSM whom I pretty much didn't like and she was the teacher I disliked most. However, I didn't hold grudges against her for the many times she confronted me for every right and wrong reason(s) and for implementing the 'fear' factor in every student to "keep away" from her...*giggles*

I think I'm missing the fact that there's this really clear system of consequences which of course consists of good and sometimes unreasonable rules, regulations and procedures and in case you happen to break any of them...I MISS THE DETENTION THREAT BY AND WITH MRS. KANG, THE SUMMON SLIPS, THE COMMUNITY SERVICE (school chores) AND OF COURSE, YES, THE DISCIPLINARY BOARD WHO ARE NOT SO GOOD AT FIGHTING AGAINST MY ARGUMENTS...(HAHAHA!!!) and the good system of handing up homework (MR. ALEX, I MISS YOUR PINK SLIPS VERY MUCH, IN FACT, I LIKED GETTING PINK SLIPPED! IT'S SO EFFICIENT...but I still wonder what you do with them...hmm... =P)
and yes, I miss the presence or the fact of having the school conselor that usually carries the image of being my fairy god-mum. (wake up, lil angel!!!)

I mean the handbook is not enough...it's not as clear as how SMSM shows the rules and consequences which will then show how seriously they want us to take the rules...but Mdm. Teoh's doing somewhat a good job I guess...but it's not fair not to be told first...

Let's head into the confession room (this is not something I want you to sympathise about, it's just a therapy method to face reality for me):

I thought I'd be leaving everything behind and will be and must be leaving every single thought of SMSM behind. It was so depressing and hurting back in there. It's the honest truth.

In the beginning, I was innocent and I thought I'd be really immune to all that hurt and suicide thing and I did join in with the crowd that thought suicide wasn't just crazy but stupid and insensible. In form 1, one young man tried to jump off the auditorium window and that explains why it's locked up with a grill now...I mean the windows and the upper portion of the auditorium.

I started out white-a demure, good and very ambitious girl that smiles more than often to win hearts and favours. I started out highschool on the right foot with the teachers but the wrong foot on the wrong crowd and everything went into a downhill snowball from there.

The first person I met turned my life's story upside down and totally opposed my targets and expectations of highschool so well it'd be fit for a good-selling teenage gossip novel....with elements of betrayal and gossips and the fact that I lost the first guy who fell in love with me due to all that...he really did love me...but he ended up with my one of those gossip girls obviously tyring to make me jealous cuz she dumped him after I started working less with him...and that was just year number 1.

I got depressed and hurt without even knowing how to call it and the teenage drama began there...but I was still ambitious...knowing I had just about the worst social life beginning here, I took advantage of my favour with the teachers, authorities, cleaners and of course, all the dear guests that came visiting.

Thank God, that person was out of my life for the next 3 years of my stay in SMSM. But her gossips were very successful even after she left. It certainly did paint an exact dirty image of how and what she wanted people to think about me, tarnishing my image. The secret to her success was that she was my best friend and the worst backstabber and gossiper ever lived.

Since then, I decided to make it through highschool alone. All projects except lab experiments were all solo projects. So, I'm used to the torture of having nervous breakdowns and burn-outs...that's why I can laugh when teachers scold me for not doing some of my homework now but I don't leave my homework undone for no reason k... So for 4 years, there was no such thing as going out with friends, no proms, only one respectful ex-boyfriend (THANX A LOT, I MEAN REALLY), and nothing else.

Plus, back in class four years ago, I'd sit somewhere in the front and while I'm doing my work or minding my own stuff, I can always hear the undeniable sound of curses and the anthems of death out of the mouths of mere students sitting right at the back, causing havoc in the classroom. Towards form 3 and 4, they found it good to bully me because I was quiet and good despite how rotten I became on the inside and how hard it was to plaster a convincing smile plus keeping my grades up so no one would know anything about what's eating me.

My only shelter from all that was the bed at night that was my altar, lots of praying time, and all those visitors and brilliant art lecturers that God sent to help me paint and expose myself to the majesty of contemporary art...those lecturers really did take good care of me...

But this good girl's gone bad....

I joined the suicide crowd just last year and yes, I did swallow whatever pills and chemicals, tried many, many sharp knives and designed the most gruesome plans for suicide.

The conclusion- I did all those but it was then clear that God didn't want me to die no matter what...the knives went blunt when I really meant suicide and the chemicals and pills did absolutely nothing to me but I kept trying to get rid of myself...because I couldn't bear all those curses that hurt so deeply everyday, the cry in my heart to forgive them, and to live when I really wanted to die was killing me even more.

Since then, those curses ring loud at the back of my mind whenever I do quiet work or sleep or when I hear lots of noise in class or anything that brings about my childish little fears...that's why I kinda go a BIT inconsiderate and mad when the noise level goes up because the curses will get louder and I'd eventually stop working and get a really bad headache...you can say I'm quite disillusioned now. Every word the pastor preaches seems to hit straight at me for these few sundays...hmmm....The only person who managed to see through my faked plaster-made smiles is the dude sitting next to me cuz if no one's looking, I'd go back to be in natural mood...it's natural for one to show at times... The reason why I barely told anyone until now is because I managed to convince my present principal I wasn't some 'social refugee' to SSG...

.::**~``*(dah bocor rahsia...the secret's out)*``~**::.

that explains why I'm on sleeping pills and what sorts this year...I'm clearly in a LITTLE mess...

No offense, but I really don't know what it's like to have real friends around to help me and all that. It's always been me, myself and I. Constant support and kindness is strange. Eversince I started sitting next to this dude, I find myself depending on him and vice versa at times...and I lost my "Ms. Independant" and "Ms. Tough Princess" titles. But I'm ever so grateful to find such people now...I thought I'd never find any of them...chances of getting good people in SMSM were slim and suddenly...WOW, a miracle...and it's blowing my mind real good...

Give me some time okay....10 days away from school should do me some good...lolx...btw, I never liked school...the only time school's cool is when it's closed...

I'll try to brainwash myself this week okay...without pills... more beaches...more waves...more food...

Happy Hols ya'll!!!

No Life

2009-01-20T13:23:00.003+08:00

The pressure is building up so rapidly I can hardly catch my breath...and so is the stress and anxiety...

I don't know...some people say it's normal for me to have that...some say it's good and some say it's simply not normal...hmmm....

Everything here is suddenly so normal after the hard time SMSM gave me...the stress builds up from here...

Back in SMSM, I've always thought of what it would like to have a new kind of freedom, a break maybe from the very hectic schedule that I have....until now that I've found it that I'm struggling...

It's just gravity pulling my thoughts and ways back down to the Malaysian ground where people here are really different...rather than abusive and vulgar like I expected them to be...

I did some soul searching and found that this place that I'm in is really worldly and secular and people live with it...every goal is physical...the bar is raised and the limits, suddenly so bad....

I'm just afraid of becoming spiritually poor or maybe bankrupt...hmmm...let's see....

btw, Happy Chinese New Year, folks!

Offended happy zombie

2009-01-10T18:46:00.003+08:00

I'm still culture shocked even on today which is a Saturday (non-schooling day). My heart is VERY VERY VERY PAINFUL as well as the areas around my heart...I mean physically...it hurts like never before...I mean I have suffered this before but it didn't last for so long...I've only experienced this pain lasting for only at least a few hours...but never have I imagined it to be for days...maybe my heart is just tired after beating hard and fast non-stop for the first few days and nights of school...

Offended? Yes, I am. Why so? Because I couldn't take the speech the principal was giving regarding image and dressing especially on the way he presented it. It was the kind I never expect out of a principal of such an elite school which people pay so much money for their children to be educated. He represents the educators under him...and yet, he's really offending me and the others who are passionate about performing arts...Anyway and anyhow, I have every right to be angry and every right to 'sue' him according to our teenage vocabulary...but I shall keep it away from this public domain because it is between me and him and I do not want a third-party as an audience...

I intend to sweeten and soften his heart...he looks so pressured and tensed and stressed whenever I see him and he never greets, waves or even smiles back when we do that to him...something is wrong...it's not good for his health and I can see why those white strands are sprouting from his head...God says "...gray hair the splendour of the old...." (Proverbs) but He didn't say outnumbering white hair was something...did He? please correct me if I'm wrong here...

He critisizes and judges more than he loves and listens and that's what I hate most about him and his narrow-minded-ness. It's not healthy to have such mindset. Everyone is subject to change including him. Even I am. And yet, I feel his one-up-ness impression that he carries very offensive and dominatingly irritating when he speaks to me or whatever else... and I bet that impression flows from his heart because God says that whatever is in a man's heart will overflow to the outside...

But let me nor anyone else judge him for he and all of us are subject to God's judgement...but I believe that he has no right to underestimate the work that goes on behind the scenes in the performing arts industry. I am entitled to my own opinion and comments. So is he.

I'm happy now for the mean time that I have such supportive friend around at school...better than no social life right...and of course a zombie due to the shocks...and very drousy medication from the doctor...

and I also feel there is a big chance that I'll be going for Sign-language class for Level 2 and 3...Yay! Praise God! It's my de-stressing method anyway...and so far the best because I like helping people...

The strange evolvement

2009-01-09T08:53:00.003+08:00

The only kind of evolvement I have ever expected was better grades and maybe a better social life but instead I got culture shocked and it's not a good thing. I examined myself last night and found that I've been acting like a really self-absorbed spoilt brat which I have never expected to change into since my transfer to SSG. Am I really opening up now or am I just turning into one of those rich brats but just not rich...with that kind of mentality and all? It's not me and it's not normal. Nevermind that, I'm becoming so bossy and I tend to think highly of myself. Am I turning into a leader or a jerk? I'm also starting to act like a drama queen...I'm a good everyday pretender and I presume myself as a good actress but I usually don't behave that way. Other than that, I'm starting to offend people with my words, behaviour and actions. It is not good. I don't know how I changed like that.

Circumstances? New friends? New stuff?

God, please God, I beg you, I don't want a new spoilt princess to be born inside of me. True that I know I'm royalty as long as You live and love me. I want to reflect You. I don't want this new attitude. I can't do it alone and I need You to help me...You're the only one I've got and no one else....Please, in desperate help!!!

~Your little girl,

Haunting Angel

The strange evolvement

2009-01-09T08:53:00.002+08:00

early APYAC prep

2009-01-08T20:05:00.001+08:00

Despite the economic depression, I trust God that He will provide me the finances and transport to go to APYAC (Asia Pacific Youth Alive Conference) at the end of the year. I am preparing myself to be one of those Malaysians that will spearhead APYAC as prophesied. Therefore, I am really going all out to harvest the field. Pray for more workers.

It's good now?!?!

2009-01-08T18:22:00.002+08:00

Being sleepy and having fun and taking my mind off homework and school...it's actually ok now?? It's a good thing??!!!

~that's when I heard from my doctor...

I came back from the doctor already. He says that I have to get a hobby and all despite my busy schedule and hectic lifestyle. He's also giving me sedation pills and my first sedation starts tonight. All my dear classmates, I'm trading my good eyesight for a good concentration in class. So, dude sitting next to me and behind me and wherever else near me, I'll be needing you to be my eyes because the sedation wears off very very slowly and I bet I'll still be sedated afterschool. So on and off the clock, I'll be blur, my eyesight will be blur and everything will have to be picked up slowly...even blogging...The sedation is to prevent my heart beat from racing too fast and to quiet down the butterflies in my stomach but the fact of losing my good eyesight is actually racing my heart beat even more. And the fact I'd get sedated is pretty scary in case I get caught in a nightmare and can't wake up.

Oh well...what to do...but honestly, I value what I do in life while I'm living rather than keeping my life because I'm too young or whatsoever reasons. I know God is making me a place in heaven already. So, what's there to be afraid of? I die, I just go home.

Insulating shocks

2009-01-08T11:37:00.008+08:00

~``*in the wake of desperation

Wondered why am I not in school today...
My dear classmates, roll your eyes around the class and find me missing for the day...

I took a day off today to insulate and recover from the culture shocks which I have been suffering for the first few days of school.

I never thought that going to a new school means having my body and mind pay a dreadful and painful price for the simple sake of a better education. I never saw the price tag attached-the small print; the only obvious tag was the big amount for the school fees...I never saw this coming.
I have never been culture shocked so badly before. This is senior high. I shouldn't have this. I'm old enough. I'm supposed to be stronger than this and I should be mature enough to handle such things. I'm supposed to be...I shouldn't be....I should have been....I should be...but eventually...

(the symbols below only portray the shocks...they are not profanity...pls don't sue me for it)
!!!**!!!TZTZ....the shocks came to consume my mind and torment my already frail body.

This is suffering. This is torment. This is torture. This is not new...but yet, it looks so fresh...all of a sudden....the SHOCKS!!! so TORMENTING!!!

The aura of the class and atmosphere was so bright unlike the darkly tainted aura in SMSM.

Ladies and gentlemen, please buckle yourselves to the ceiling or to the floor and brace yourself for the upcoming portion of this post. Thank you.

The

Fresh

and New

Working Pattern

plus teaching style

plus environment

*****************

******

The toubling toughts

of having a better social life & the worries of getting good help

***************************

******

The fact that pressure is high and

so are the expectations

**********************************

******

Lack of confidence, self-esteem

*************************************

******

Classwork becomes a norm and homework doesn't

very unlike the culture in SMSM (STOP COMPARING!!!)

*****************************************************

******

Stellamarisian traditions and traditional teaching styles are suddenly being defied and renounced

O.O (btw, it's not religious ya)

*************************************************************************************

******

The knocks and hits from the guy beside me DOESN'T help at all

(HIT ME, BABY, ONE MORE TIME)

***********************************************************

*******

I got no time for a social life

***************************************

******

I've been vomitting very often

*******************************

******

Butterflies are flying in my stomach every second in school

and they fly best when they mention the words "go/going away" to "be away" and the word "new" (This is the year of the cow ["niu" in chinese] and it's not a good year

***********************

******

My heart is racing like there's no peace in the world...

my heart's very tired right now...

(btw, there is no peace- AAARRRGHHH!!!!)

*******************

******

I lost my appetite, thus making eating habits abnormal

plus body aches especially areas near the heart

O.O

***************

******

Electricity is flying from the guy next to me adding more shocks to the existing

**************

******

lOSING fOCUS iN mY StUDiEs

(CAN'T AFFORD IT!!!)

*********

*******

MADNESS

****

SPM!!!

HELP!!!

I also have to prove myself worthy of time management and self management so that I can continue sign-language class with my old buddies...

christian brothers and sisters, it is time to start praying...

LOLX

hey, I'm not kidding

Hurting

2009-01-06T18:47:00.003+08:00

Haunting Angel lives in the minds of those who care about her...but she is fading as she is may have been forgotten...it hurts her to the deep to the heart and aches to her bones...she is losing her sparkle and dying very quickly...

~in hope of the reviving touch of her Master's hand...

PressuRISING

2009-01-06T17:03:00.006+08:00

I have so far spent 2 days in SSG....

On the first day, I went to school in a white blouse and jeans...as you might have known (and for those of you who don't)...my school uniform takes 2 weeks to taylor because they don't sell ready-made ones due to the decision to change the design of the uniform by next year...

it was early in the morning...no one could recognise me...

but when the teacher announced my name, no one could believe how much I've changed...from being that little dark-skinned girl with the short and straight kind of bob hairstyle to this haunting angel today with dark brown waves and brown eyes...

I met a lot of my primary schoolmates...and I had lunch and everything else together...

the teachers were good so far and so were the lessons and my social life... the moment I saw the seat closest to the whiteboard, I grabbed it quickly...as I settled down, the teacher immediately placed a tall Malay boy to sit next to me (he's just the normal kind of handsome...no feelings...and not that attractive..and besides, you might have known my very particular standards on guys)...

Despite all that, there's still a problem...

I'm having ~~a bit~~ A LOT of culture shock especially towards the working schedule. It's nothing strange. The school timing is a bit different compared to the usual stellamarisian timetable and the layout was different too. Although they manage to do the time management for us well enough to end it at 3.30pm on a regular basis instead of going home at 4.15pm three times a week as in SMSM. However, the break time and lunch time is really late...so it is now that they are really stressing the importance of breakfast...*sigh* and of course postponing the usual toilet breaks... They have 3 lessons and then break and then 5 lessons and then break and then 2 lessons before school dismisses except on Fridays. Now, this is really different but I'm used to it as I used to have it in primary school...well, the desks are designed to have ample space to keep our books in rather than paying extra for the purchase and usage of lockers. How very thoughtful of them...Nevermind that, every class has an lcd projector, a screen and a computer besides the usual whiteboard and marker pens...boring right...and suddenly the expectations go so high because there is a high rise in the standard of interest of the students and maybe the teachers too.

My parents are really pushing heavy weights on my shoulders-one weight is called pressure and the other is called stress. ~~Terrible isn't it.~~ I'm really tasting the pressure and impression of having high expectations pressing on me despite the existing tension of getting good grades for the most crucial SPM examination. My heart kept beating very fast during school hours and the tension is really dripping into my aura and driving my mind nuts... I just kept plastering a smile as often as I can to cover and hide all that...it's a psychological matter here...but please don't consult a psycho doc for me ya...thx....

Today, the pressure was still there...I went to the washroom early in the morning to vomit whatever due to the pressure and tension that I felt...seriously, it's driving me nuts...I managed to get to class on time (thank God, no JAM!)...I wore my CAIS project t-shirt and my SMSM grey skirt...that was the closest to my most available school uniform I could get...lolx...and of course, more of my schoolmates came to reunite with me...today is also the first assembly of the year and there was Mr. Khaw-the principal giving his ~~scolding~~ ~~lecture~~ speech about the theme of year followed by the boring announcements...and that just adds to the pressure...making me more tensed...my Malay friend hit me and it still didn't break me out of the heavy tension...at last, I couldn't stand it anymore and I asked to leave to the washroom to cool myself down...the pressure mounted like crazy in my mind and by lunch time, I lost my appetite...I just stared at the food...that I couldn't eat because almost every dish besides the porridge had chilli on it...

I'm waiting for my godbro...to arrive but he's very, very late...he promised to meet me but I'm still waiting...I'm getting worried now...so I'm going to have to end it here...til the next time I blog, shall we meet again online...

School reopens

2009-01-03T18:46:00.002+08:00

School reopens on Jan 5th 2009...just 2 more days....

let's just hope the final year of highschool won't be another nightmare...

and SPM!!!

I may not blog or go on msn so often due to my uncertain school schedule and study schedule...

TT

It's ok...let's hope no hokus pokus happens this year...

10 things I never want in my final year in highschool:

10. Gossips & rumours (I bled enough from SMSM).

9. Irrational and unrealistic expectations from teachers eg. making me class treasurer and not teach me how to do book keeping (SMSM's injustice...I don't want it to repeat!!!).

8. ~~Jokers~~ Teachers who don't teach.

7. ~~world peace~~ Violent school fights.

6. Any disease to fall upon me or anyone else (SPM!!!).

5. pressure which is too high or too low.

4. Injustice!!!

3. Bad management...

2. Another version of SMSM's Mrs. Discipline Teacher...

1. Anything not worth my school fees

O.O

2009-01-02T18:51:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was the day...

my mum officially paid the school fees to SSG....

it was an awful lot of money...

but she did it...

and as for my school uniform...

THEY DON'T HAVE READY-MADE ONES!!!

it's all taylor-made....

and then a whole lot of money...

exchanged hands...from my mum's to the shopkeeper's...

school's starting and this year is SPM YEAR!!!

I'm going to have to ride the high tide that's rising higher and higher...

SPM is now or never...

it defines our ~~life~~ ~~future~~ afterschool life...

so it's hard...

and my dad's giving it all...and so am I...

school reopens for 2009 in 2 days...

HELP!!!

2009

2009-01-01T19:40:00.002+08:00

*Pardon me for not writing this post immediately or in the morning hours of today*

31 Dec 2008, I went to church at night for the watchnight service...

most people expected more out of the service but hey, at least there's something...

at the end of the service which was 12am on new year's day,

I went round and I saw everyone doing handshakes and hugs and it didn't seem like there was anything different or special to mark 2009 and they were doing what they did back in the other years...so...

I went round and I was like "Gimme 5 for a good '09!"...and I got a lot of high 5s and it was fun...

and today, I went for the worker's luncheon with my mum...the food was simple and yet so good...

to commemorate the first day of 2009, I....

changed my blog skin...like it...I love it...lot of twinkling stars...just the way I like it...let's just hope I stick with this for a long time...

God really blessed my new year's day...

I'm still sick but I feel a lot better than before...

HAPPY HAUNTING NEW YEAR!!!

``~flashback 2008 flashback~``

2008-12-30T17:53:00.003+08:00

With honours to God.
To start off this post, I wanna start saying a BIG THANK YOU to all of those people who have helped me, strengthened me, been through ups and downs with me and supported me...THANK YOU...and most of all...THANK YOU, LORD!!!
2008 has indeed been a year of miracles, breakthrough and of course, challenges...

Everything of course, began in January...

The first time I went to school and reached there before 7:30pm...because me, my sis and her 2 friends booked a taxi...and we shared the cost...so not so expensive...and more efficient...

I remember eating away back in Kampar...and the lovely steamboat back in Penang...not to mention I got sick during the festive season of Chinese New Year at that time...my aunt from New Zealand came back to KL to spend time with us and the family...it was great...

and the most memorable was having William Teoh as my godbrother...a few years back...I've always wished for an elder brother to keep me company and also to act as an extra ear because as I am the eldest in the family and I was in depression due to years of harrassment and gossips...and I kept pouring my heart out to God and I kept crying every night until crying didn't help anymore...and the hardest thing to do is to wear a smile in school everyday and scoring good grades to convince my teachers and my parents that there is nothing wrong although they suspected something amiss the usual Haunting Angel...after many years of prayer and begging God for a bro...I got him now...PRAISE GOD!!! I love you, ko...

not just that, I got into Pure Science stream after appealing for it as it has been what my father wanted for me...I could study and yet I didn't know what to do...so I thought it wouldn't harm if I went into Pure Science...I was initially placed in Sub-science and I could not handle accounts at all...so I decided for the switch...and my confirmation of getting into ICT class was granted instantly...

I was tossed with many, many turbulent waves of depression but God is great and just when I thought of giving up in life some time in the first few months of 2008, God was there and He refused to let me go...I still don't see why but I will in time see it...but anyway, thank God and thank you, all those who were with me during that period... Sally Ann, those who were with me on msn during those times (there were too many to name), Jonan Wong (the cerealkiller), William Teoh-my godbro, Daniel Loo-my cellgroup leader and lots more. Back then, I really felt the pain when I go back to school and I had a hard time trying my best not to over-react or go insane so that I can still come to my senses to forgive them who hurt me every day...I went into deep depression then and it slowly ate my health.

I went for INFLUENCE conference and it was my first time there...it was ok....

and of course....the HILLSONG concert...it was so COOL and so FUN...I really danced my heart out then...

and for the first time, I saw our school get flooded...LOLX...and that was so COOL!!! XD It rocks...

I thought I would never be able to do anything with art because I was in a science class and art has always been my passsion...I love every area of art except tattooing and flesh cutting...other than that...it's my passion...until the CAIS (Contemporary Arts In School) team came to our school and tried to get us involved...and so I did and I signed up for the worskshop and worked with the other participants and the artist-Amanda Heng throughout the months of June to Mid-August...and that project was a highlight in our school calendar among the other projects done in our school...

During the same period, I worked on artwork to be sent for the Yuvabhadana Foundation Art Exhibition...It was wonderful and my artwork is displayed online...it wasn't really much my best...it's my first time doing such an exhibition...but it was good exposure...
you can view the paintings later here:
http://colorsfrommanylands.com/showarts.php?countryName=Malaysia&schoolID=03

then it was basically study time...preparing for the final xm la...(BORING!!! O.O)

and of course, the much awaited HUGE camp...

and then the school switch...and it was a success....

now, to close the book of 2008...

FIREWORKS!!!

LASTLY, THX TO EVERYONE WHO READ AND WHO READS MY BLOG.....

LOVE YA'LL

*HUGS*

and

MAY GOD BLESS U LOTS IN 2009

*any other new year greeting or comments are welcomed only via the cbox or the comments column

thnx.*

If I could go back to SMSM for one day...

2008-12-30T17:23:00.002+08:00

only one day...what would I do...

10. Dress up really sexy with make-up to reveal my true beauty...

9. Write a full report on the school and hand it in to the board of governers..

8. Urge Hanie to start a christian fellowship...

7. Get rid of Mrs. Discipline Teacher...

6. Put a virus on my personal favourite pc...

5. Tell Ms. Chuah to wear those cute pink doll shoes...

4. Tell the truth about Mr. Gorilla and Mr. Onion-Head

3. Do Mr. Deputy Principal's share of announcements...

2. Silence Mrs. Discipline Teacher for a day at least...

1. Play a prank that will expose the truth of the P.E teacher to the Board of Governers.

Confirmed

2008-12-30T13:52:00.008+08:00

Hey everyone, it's at last been confirmed....

I'm really switching schools...I'm going back to SSG...

My dad is really paying the expensive school fee out of love and faith...

Now, the pressure is very HIGH and so are the expectations of my SPM results...

Goodbye SMSM...

here are the 10 reasons I came up with on why I wouldn't want to go back to SMSM (I'm entitled to my own opinion ya, sorry SMSM, I can only break it out only if I'm out of the school =P):

10. Mr. Deputy Principal is very long-winded, thus making morning assemblies long and draggy; causing our feet to be tired and the sleepy ones to be more blur... (I still wonder how he's "Deputy" since he puts us to sleep...Master of Announcement Lullabies)

9. Mrs. Discipline Teacher totally creeps me out...but she's a good wake up call at times (just tolerate la but don't let her bully u)...

8. MONEY ISSUE: Canteen day:- only the PROFIT is supposed to go to the school fund or whatever but not only do they take the PROFIT but they take the CAPITAL also and they say "Take it as doing CHARITY WORK..." (This is EXTORTION) and at the end of the day, the big figure comes out and everyone claps that we made A LOT OF MONEY...but isn't it surprising that such a small school produced that kind of money...in the name of the tens of thousands of ringgit, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE...
Class fund: After paying school fees, each child is suddenly asked to pay a small sum PER MONTH...for what?! Photostat & Class party?!Do we really need to do this?) and the worst is the one collecting the money is the CLASS TREASURER. a.k.a STUDENT.

7. because we have such people like Mr. Onion-Head for lower secondary Math class and Mr. Gorilla-with-black-specs as our Add. Math teacher... Mr. Onion-Head is boring and moody but very long-winded when he teaches...he made me get an "E" for Math from my usual "B"...and as for Mr. Gorilla, he just puts notes and solutions and examples on the board and makes us copy, and then doesn't answer when we ask him questions...(not worth my school fees)

6. No SCHOOL FIELD!!!, lousy gym...not enough space for everyone to get a fair chance to play in the auditorium, thus not everyone gets to play...plus, the freakin p.e teacher isn't there to watch the kids even if he doesn't teach...and he really doesn't teach...

5. The deposit gets burnt if there is a decision to pull a kid out in less than 4 months notice...(it's not fair, the school's just making us stay... I mean which other school would accept admission in the middle of the year like that!)...Plus, the report card is not all filled, making going into a new school complicated with lots of negotiations to be made between the old school (SMSM) and the new school)...

4. They expect the students to be BORN LEADERS and have "Common sense"...eg. when they pick a student to be class treasurer, they don't teach the student to record and such, they expect the student to already know how to do it...(THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE AND IT IS VERY UNREASONABLE AND UNFAIR!!!)...same thing goes for presidents and others posts...

3. how the catholic students portray themselves as christians; claiming to have ties with the Sovereign God is being questioned by yours truly (no offense, but i think i can do better, no I really do)...being a christian means being God's ambassador in reflecting the righteousness, grace, love and mercy of God...do they portray that...which is why I say I can do better...(btw, in being a christian, justice is meant to be embraced)...where is justice?!

2. I like working under a reasonable pressure. The pressure in SMSM is a bit LOWER but the expectations from the parents are HIGHER...IT DOESN'T TALLY...

1. They raised the school fees and it would take a miracle to make an improvement worth the increment.

Once again, no offense, these are VERY HONEST TRUTHS...and it was a hard time squeezing them into only 10 reasons.

if you wish, i dare you to print this and let anyone else view this post....and I mean it...

Btw, I'm feeling better already...yesterday I was really sick with fever and all...now, it's just a small sore throat...

WITH MUCH PLEASURE, I PUBLISH THE END OF THIS POST AS A COUNTDOWN TRIBUTE TO 2009...

Sick...

2008-12-29T15:39:00.001+08:00

I'm sick and bored...

I'm recovering from a nervous breakdown...

I can finally move out of bed this morning...

but still recovering...

and now I have a cold...

this is so not good...

Christmas memory 2008

2008-12-29T15:11:00.004+08:00

I know it's 4 days past Christmas already...

and a new year is beginning...

So I went to Petrosains in KLCC on Christmas day with some friends...and I played my favourite Art Machine there...

and here are the results...

The school switch...

2008-12-23T13:33:00.001+08:00

It was a hard decision...

It involved too much money...

But....*drumroll*

IT WAS A SUCCESS!!!

The principal decided to let me return to my old school...

but it's super expensive...

but I'm going there anyway...but I have to trade either biology or ICT to be able to go in...

I'm in the valley of decision now...but as long as the headmaster agrees to take me in...

Praise God!!!
He has answered my prayer of many years to get out of SMSM, KL...

Now that I'm out of SMSM, I can tell you now...I had been going through depression and lots of mental and emotional torment in SMSM and I've wanted to get out since form 1 but we just couldn't afford...now out of desperation, I managed to go into my old school...

yay!!!

Stars

2008-12-23T13:03:00.002+08:00

On Sunday night- the night I wrote my immediate previous post, I was travelling in the car with a heavy heart and a smile to hide the pain far away from those with me...

I looked up and saw something rare in the skies of KL...

STARS!!!

and they were beautifully twinkling in the sky...

and from a distance of so many lightyears away...I could see the constellation of "Orion" just staring at me and if I'm not mistaken, a defeated looking Hydra was underneath him...

My heart just started praising God and I forgot about my heavy heart a little later...and I started singing Switchfoot's "Stars" and Hillsong's "Look to you"....

wow...but the hurts came back later in the night and they kinda tormented my thoughts and I really went into deep depression then...I'm more or less ok now...

but those stars did a miracle and God made them to give Him glory...so must I then...

Praise God!!!

Missing someone...

2008-12-21T20:46:00.003+08:00

Church service was more normal than usual and there was clearly something missing...my eyes rolled to the left, to the right, knowing that there was no one to block my view in front of me...I took notice of the one behind me, she's just the usual who takes the back seat after I frequent the seat she used to take (lolx) and to the left, the usual couple and a few more guests to fill up the usually empty seats...to the right, the usual bags that belong to be musicians...and on the stage, a drama was going on as I made my way through the crowd to get a better view...

Noticing that the guy who would usually block my view wasn't there...I realised that he left yesterday and that he wasn't there...then there's that feeling of missing someone...and wishing he would be there to block my view...and in my heart I was somehow assured that we would meet again since the art industry is a small world that looks big...hmmm....